Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Bikini Girls On Ice (2009)
Jenna (Cindel Chartrand), Sam (Danielle Doetsch), and other college girls take a trip to a bikini car wash fundraiser. Using a school bus for transportation, the girls are accompanied by Blake (Tarek Gader), the man, who came up with the idea for a bikini car wash, and his friend Tommy (Ivan Peric) is the driver. Most of the girls are looking for a fun time at the car wash, but Lena (Christina Sciortino) has other plans.
Eventually, the bus breaks down at an abandoned gas station, and Tommy searches for tools to repair the bus. Blake panics, and he decides to start the car wash immediately. The eerie silence throughout the gas station causes some concerns, but Jenna and Sam ignore an ominous warning from Hank (Sandy Grieg), a creepy and reclusive local. As nightfall approaches, the girls slowly disappear one by one. Confused and frightened, Jenna, Sam, and other survivors try to escape the vicious wrath of Moe (William Jarand), a blood thirsty killer, with a strange obsession for ice.
Jenna shows some intelligence, but other female characters fit the profile of an annoying, airheaded bimbo. Lena is supposed to be the nasty bitch, who uses her good looks to gain the upper hand in life, but Sciortino is a terrible actress.
And Moe is such a boring antagonist. He’s a deranged and retarded backwoods hillbilly, and this character doesn’t have any spoken dialogue, just a lot of heavy breathing and growling. Moe isn’t scary or intimidating, and Jarand’s performance provides too many unintentional laughs.
Bikini Girls On Ice tries to the follow the blueprint for 80’s slashers. Stupid characters, a sadistic killer, hot women in revealing clothing, nudity, sex, and the victims are stuck in an isolated deathtrap. I can appreciate the attempt to provide an old school style slasher film, but Bikini Girls On Ice has too many problems. Poor execution, shitty directing, bad acting, and weak dialogue kill any chances for a solid or decent movie. Bikini Girls On Ice isn’t laughably bad, it’s just bad. This poor attempt to pay homage to mindless 80’s slashers is beyond pitiful, and lowering your expectation levels won’t help anything, because Bikini Girls On Ice is an atrocious film.
Oh, and as far as nudity and sex goes, don’t expect anything extreme from Bikini Girls on Ice. It’s just one disappointing scene of sex and nudity, that’s all.
If you’re looking for an enjoyable modern-day slasher with attractive women and brutal kills, the Friday The 13th remake would be a good choice. Better production values, better acting, better directing, and Jason is still a bad-ass.
Final Rating: 0/10