Thursday, October 17, 2013
You Can't Kill Stephen King (2012)(Minor Spoilers Review)
**This review contains MINOR spoilers, no major reveals, character deaths by name, or reveals for plot twists**
During a road trip to Encomium, Maine, six friends embark on a mission to meet Stephen King. Lamont (Justin Brown), Ronnie (Ronnie Khalil), Nicole (Kayle Blogna), Lori (Kate Costello), Monroe (Monroe Mann), and his sister, Hilary (Crystal Arnette) visit Stephen King’s cabin in the woods. Monroe is more worried about fixing a broken relationship with Lori, and Ronnie is salivating at a chance to meet his idol. But the vacation takes a horrific turn for the worst, when everyone mysteriously disappears, leaving behind a trail of blood as the only clue for the attacker……..
The body count rises quick in You Can’t Kill Stephen King, but I couldn’t feel any sympathy for the deaths here. Why? Too many loathsome characters. Hilary is the bland prude, who’s supposed to be the serious one in the group. Nicole is the whiny narcissistic airhead, who’s sole purpose is to be the number one option for eye candy. Lori is supposed to be the innocent one, but Kate Costello’s big blue eyes aren’t enough to cover up the clueless dunce side of Lori’s character. Monroe is this insecure baby/boyfriend without a backbone, but the “traumatized war veteran” layer for his character is cringeworthy (more on that later). Ronnie is this creepy and perverted douchebag/nerd, and as the film progresses, Ronnie emerges from the pack as the most unlikeable character. Plus, You Can’t Kill Stephen King pulls out all the stops to remind you Lamont is just the “token black guy” in a horror film,
Overkill is another massive problem here. The raunchiness loses its shock factor after thirty minutes. A prime example would be a barrage of close up shots for Kayle Blogna’s cleavage, a scene with Blogna taking a shower, and there’s a shot of Blogna shaking her fanny towards the camera for no reason at all. Again, we get it. Nicole is supposed to be the eye candy, we don’t need a reminder in every other scene. The humor is atrocious, and You Can’t Kill Stephen King tries to milk Ronnie’s creepy obsession over Nicole for cheap laughs throughout the movie. Yeah, the perv jokes lose a lot of steam fast, and towards the end, Ronnie’s stalker routine reaches a too annoying point.
You Can’t Kill Stephen King is a tasteless and unfunny mockery of Stephen King’s work. It’s a clustered mess of a film, that’s unsure of its own identity, and the laundry list of problems are impossible to ignore. Wooden dialogue, too many unlikable characters, a terrible overall cast (minus Arnette and Blogna,), idiotic plot twists, plot holes, and unsatisfying reveals. You want tingly feelings of nostalgia for Stephen King’s work? Read one of his books or short stories or watch Brian De Palma’s Carrie. But whatever you do, please avoid this film (or poor excuse for a horror comedy) at all costs.
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