Saturday, October 19, 2013

Sharknado (2013)(Spoiler Review)

**This review contains spoilers**

During a deadly hurricane, thousands and thousands of sharks are sucked out of the ocean. Eventually, the sharks are thrust into the mainland, using the beaches of Los Angeles as their feeding ground. Finlay (or “Fin”) Shepard (Ian Ziering) is a legendary surfer, and he’s the owner of a popular restaurant on the beach.

Fin is determined to save his ex-wife April (Tara Reid) and his daughter Claudia (Aubrey Peeples), and his friends tag along for the rescue mission. Fin’s best friend, Baz (Jaason Simmons), George (John Heard), a regular at the bar portion of Nick‘s restaurant, and Nova (Cassie Scerbo), a waitress, who works for Fin, take a deadly trip with Fin through the flooded and shark infested streets of Los Angeles.

At April’s house, Fin has an uncomfortable encounter with April’s new boyfriend, Colin (Christopher Wolfe), but Fin and the remaining survivors have bigger problems to worry about. Fin and April’s only son, Matt (Chuck Hittinger) is stranded at a flying school with no means of safe transportation, and the sharks are able to attack different parts of the city faster, after numerous tornados engulf the sharks. Fin and the rest of the group are forced to fight off the lethal shark tornados, as the tornados catapult the sharks into LA, but Matt is running out of time and options…..

The cast? A lot of forgettable and awful performances here. Wolfe sounds like he’s reading his lines from cue cards, performance wise and character wise, Simmons is a third wheel, and Scerbo is just eye candy. Tara Reid, John Heard, and Ian Ziering share one familiar trait: they’re the most recognizable names and faces from this cast. Unfortunately,  their performances aren’t good (or decent) enough to elevate the quality of this cast. Heard is this unfunny town drunk, Reid is apathetic as the bitter ex-wife, and Ziering is not believable at all as this courageous leader/hero, with a famous past.

Don’t over think anything in Sharknado. Otherwise, you’ll have a pretty bad headache after you’re done with the movie. You’ll wonder how a helicopter is able to fly so close to a powerful tornado, stay in one solid piece, and how the helicopter didn’t instantly crash to the ground. You’ll wonder how a shark can swallow a man (Fin) whole, and somehow, that person is able to cut a hole in the shark’s body to escape afterwards. And you’ll wonder how a car is able to function after driving through a flooded city with deep, DEEP pools of water everywhere for so long.

Look, I understand what Sharknado was trying to accomplish. They wanted to make a silly and stupid B-movie. Still, Sharknado shouldn’t get a free pass for poor acting quality, shoddy editing (a prime example is the choppy editing for the scene at the beginning, where Fin and Baz are trying to escape on a jet ski…awful), and amateur directing.

Sharknado was trying to make an epic failure of a movie that’s fun to mock, and I’m sorry, but this approach didn’t click with me for the most part. Sharknado isn’t a “It’s so bad it’s so good” movie. It’s just a bad movie. Again, I get the point of the B-movie approach, but that’s not a valid excuse for laziness in the writing department. You have to expect plot holes and inconsistencies in a film called Sharknado, but you could tell they mailed it in as the story progressed, and it felt like the writers we’re making stuff up along the way.

Yeah, I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t chuckle at Sharknado a few times. Fin ripping sharks apart with a chainsaw, and Nova running around and blowing holes in sharks with a big shotgun are a few good examples of some funny Sharknado moments. If you’re looking for lots of blood and gore, Sharknado should satisfy the gore hounds. And Sharknado throws out the expected Shark Week reference in the early stages of the film.

Still, Sharknado is a lackluster effort for “stupid fun” films. Sorry, but I’m not giving Sharknado the “Oh, who cares! It’s a B-movie!” low standards pass. I can see why other people fell in love with this film, and the announcement of a sequel doesn’t surprise me. But Sharknado has one too many legit problems to ignore for my taste, and at times, Sharknado was a chore to sit through.

Rating: 2/10

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