Saturday, October 19, 2013

Sharknado (2013)(Minor Spoilers Review)

**This review contains MINOR spoilers, no character deaths, plot twists, or major reveals**

During a deadly hurricane, thousands and thousands of sharks are sucked out of the ocean. Eventually, the sharks are thrust into the mainland, using the beaches of Los Angeles as their feeding ground.

Legendary surfer and restaurant owner, Finaly (or “Fin”) Shepard (Ian Ziering) is accompanied by his best friend, Baz (Jaason Simmons), Nova (Cassie Scerbo), a waitress, who works at Fin’s restaurant, and George (John Heard), a regualr at the bar portion of Fin’s restaurant. With limited options in front of them, Fin and the group take a risky trip through the flooded and shark infested streets of Los Angeles.

Determined to save his family, Fin embarks on a rescue mission to save his ex-wife, April (Tara Reid), his daughter Claudia (Aubrey Peeples), and his son, Matt (Chuck Hittinger). At April’s house, Fin’s problems with April’s new boyfriend, Colin (Christopher Wolfe) cause some awkward tension, but Fin and the remaining survivors focus their attentions on a bigger problem: the sharks are fusing with numerous deadly tornados throughout Los Angeles to create the ultimate weapons of destruction……

The cast? A lot of forgettable and awful performances here. Wolfe sounds like he’s reading his lines from cue cards, performance wise and character wise, Simmons is a third wheel, and Scerbo is just eye candy. Tara Reid, John Heard, and Ian Ziering share one familiar trait: they’re the most recognizable names and faces from this cast. Unfortunately,  their performances aren’t good (or decent) enough to elevate the quality of this cast. Heard is this unfunny town drunk, Reid is apathetic as the bitter ex-wife, and Ziering is not believable at all as this courageous leader/hero, with a famous past.

Don’t over think anything in Sharknado. Otherwise, you’ll have a pretty bad headache after you’re done with the movie. You could probably write a series of thick books for the “How is that possible?” moments in Sharknado in different volumes. Trust me, don’t use logic for this film, because your head will explode, quickly.

Look, I understand what Sharknado was trying to accomplish. They wanted to make a silly and stupid B-movie. Still, Sharknado shouldn’t get a free pass for poor acting quality, shoddy editing (a prime example is the choppy editing for the scene at the beginning, where Fin and Baz are trying to escape on a jet ski…awful), and amateur directing.

Sharknado was trying to make an epic failure of a movie that’s fun to mock, and I’m sorry, but this approach didn’t click with me for the most part. Sharknado isn’t a “It’s so bad it’s so good” movie. It’s just a bad movie. Again, I get the point of the B-movie approach, but that’s not a valid excuse for laziness in the writing department. You have to expect plot holes and inconsistencies in a film called Sharknado, but you could tell they mailed it in as the story progressed, and it felt like the writers we’re making stuff up along the way.

Yeah, I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t chuckle at Sharknado a few times. Fin ripping sharks apart with a chainsaw, and Nova running around and blowing holes in sharks with a big shotgun are a few good examples of some funny Sharknado moments. If you’re looking for lots of blood and gore, Sharknado should satisfy the gore hounds. And Sharknado throws out the expected Shark Week reference in the early stages of the film.

Still, Sharknado is a lackluster effort for “stupid fun” films. Sorry, but I’m not giving Sharknado the “Oh, who cares! It’s a B-movie!” low standards pass. I can see why other people fell in love with this film, and the announcement of a sequel doesn’t surprise me. But Sharknado has one too many legit problems to ignore for my taste, and at times, Sharknado was a chore to sit through.

Rating: 2/10

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