Sunday, December 2, 2012

One For The Money (2012)

**This review contains spoilers**

Stephanie Plum (Katherine Heigl) has fallen on hard times. She can’t find a job, she’s almost out of money, and her fancy sports car has been repossessed. Stephanie doesn’t want to be forced into a situation, where she might have to move back in with her parents, so she needs to find a job, and she needs to find one fast.

With no other available options to choose from, Stephanie turns to her cousin Vinnie (Patrick Fischler). Vinnie is the boss/owner of a bail bonds operation, but he doesn’t want to hire Stephanie at first. Vinnie only wants tough bounty hunters, who can hold their own in the most dangerous situations. Stephanie isn’t too bright, and she really isn’t qualified for the position at all. But Stephanie eventually blackmails her way into a job, and she has her eyes on the big prize. Joe Morelli (Jason O’Mara) is an ex-cop, and Stephanie could earn a $50,000 paycheck, if she brings him in. Stephanie doesn’t have any experience in bounty hunting, but she does receive some help from Ranger (Daniel Sunjata), the only true expert bounty hunter in this film. Stephanie needs the money, and she is more than determined to capture Morelli, because she still has some bitter feelings towards her ex-boyfriend. During her high school years, Morelli seduced Stephanie, took her virginity, and quickly dumped her afterwards. Stephanie is still pissed, and she won’t let anyone get in her way, as she tries to capture her ticket for a new life.

Well, Katherine Heigl was the star of this film, so I guess I couldn’t expect anything good or decent. Heigl was awful as usual, but One For The Money is just a bad film overall.

First of all, One For The Money is supposed to be a COMEDY, but I couldn’t laugh at all. The humor in this film is just dreadful, and the barrage of corny jokes almost gave me a headache. I really did try, but I just couldn’t laugh at anything in this film. The humor felt so forced, and the highly annoying characters didn’t help anything.

And then there’s Katherine Heigl. I’m not a fan of this woman at all, and this is no secret. She is a terrible actress, and she always portrays the same type of character in all of her films (the annoying, pompous, stuck up, self-centered, pretentious bitch). Heigl has starred in some very bad romantic comedies over the years, but she still receives a good amount of work every year. She’s been the leading lady in a handful of mainstream films, but for some asinine reason, Hollywood refuses to pull the plug on her. Heigl CAN’T ACT, she’s not funny, and she has to have one of the most annoying on-screen personas I’ve seen in years.

The Stephanie Plum character does have the backstory of someone, who you would want to feel for. She lost her job, she’s facing some hard times, and she seems like an innocent person, who wanted a chance. But I lost any sort of sympathy for Stephanie pretty quickly. Stephanie is a real klutz throughout this film. She constantly puts other peoples lives in danger, and she is somewhat responsible for one man’s death. They wanted Stephanie to be the loveable screw-up, who you could root for, but for the most part, I despised this character. Of course, Heigl just made everything worse. She delivers the same type of persona, that you will see in her terrible romantic comedies, and Heigl‘s brown hair is the only real change you‘ll see in this film. Heigl really doesn’t have any range at all, she’s not funny, and her performance really drags this film down a lot.

They tried to throw in a shocking surprise at the very end, but I had already given up on One For The Money at this point. Jimmy Alpha (John Leguizamo) is the real murderer, but Joe Morelli was suppose to take the fall. Alpha is the owner of an MMA/boxing gym, and he’s about to kill the only two people, who could connect him to the murder (Stephanie and Joe). But Stephanie manages to kill Alpha with a series of gunshots, and Morelli becomes a free man. Still, Stephanie needs the money, so she decides to capture Morelli. She turns him into the police, and Stephanie collects her $50,000 payday.

Umm, yeah, this might’ve worked for some people, but One For The Money had already pissed me off enough, and I didn’t care about the attempted jaw-dropping surprise. I just wanted this to be over, and for me, nothing could save this film. Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, and Jack Nicholson could’ve all made surprise cameos at the same time, and I still would’ve hated this film. Leguizamo did do a good job with his character, and this surprise did feel unexpected, but this particular shocking effort at the end did have this strong “too little, too late” feeling.

One For The Money should be an early contender for one of the worst films in 2012, because this was a complete train wreck. One For The Money couldn’t provide any laughs for me, and there are way too many annoying characters in this film. The majority of the characters in this film did bring legit feelings of anger out of me, and I felt like punching a hole through something most of the time.

Katherine Heigl will probably receive more starring roles in the future, but one day, I’m hoping the powers that be in Hollywood will realize this woman truly has no talent at all. One For The Money has been a box office flop so far, so Heigl’s reign of terror might come to an end soon enough.

Final Rating: 1/10

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