Monday, December 17, 2012

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

**This review contains spoilers**

Three years after the events of Halloween H20: 20 Years later, Michael Myers is still on the loose, and Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) was committed to an insane asylum after murdering a helpless paramedic. Without taking off the mask first, Laurie used an axe to behead the paramedic. Unbeknownst to Laurie, Michael attacked and crushed the paramedic’s larynx at the private school. He switched clothes with the paramedic, forced his mask on him, and Michael quietly walked away from the crime scene.

In 2001, Laurie lives a lonely life of silence at the asylum, and she avoids taking her medication. Laurie dreads Michael’s inevitable arrival, and after catching a brief glimpse of him through her window on Halloween night, Laurie immediately panics. After murdering two security guards, Michael sets his sights on Laurie. But when Michael enters Laurie’s room, she gains the upper hand by attacking him from behind, and Laurie escapes to the roof of the asylum. Laurie captures Michael with a trap, but Michael seizes the opportunity to eliminate his #1 target after a careless mistake. Dangling from the roof with his sister, Michael uses his kitchen knife to stab Laurie in the back. Laurie kisses Michael, and before she falls to her death, Laurie promises a reunion in “hell.“

One year later, Freddie Harris (Busta Rhymes) and Nora Winston (Tyra Banks) plan a Halloween reality show special/scavenger hunt at Michael Myers’ abandoned childhood home. Freddie and Nora produce and direct shows for DangerTainment, a reality web show series. In an attempt to unravel the mystery behind his murderous rage, the participants must search for clues from Michael’s past. Six college students are selected for the show: Sara Moyer (Bianca Kajlich), Jim Morgan (Luke Kirby), Donna Chang (Daisy McCrackin), Bill Woodlake (Thomas Ian Nicholas), Rudy Grimes (Sean Patrick Thomas), and Jen Danzig (Katee Sackhoff).

Initially, Sara expresses her doubts and suspicions, but she decides to join the group after one night of thinking it over. Deckard (Ryan Merriman) is Sara’s nerdy computer friend, he decides to watch the web show at a Halloween party, and Nora monitors everything on a series of  televisions. The suspicions of a hoax are confirmed, when Freddie shows up in a Michael Myers costume. Making money is Freddie’s only concern, but the appearance of the real Michael Myers changes everything……

I think I posted an old mini-review of Halloween Resurrection in here a while ago. It was during my annual “watch all the Halloween movies during October” marathon. But I usually skip over Resurrection, because it’s so fucking awful. I’m sure that post is buried in here somewhere. Oh well, time for an updated version!

I don’t know why, but for some strange reason, I foolishly cling to the hopes of Resurrection instantly transforming into a better film. Maybe I was just tired that day, or I could’ve been in a bad mood. Just a few examples of the excuses I come up with sometimes, but like most Halloween fans (surprisingly, some Halloween fans actually enjoy this turd), you just have to face facts: Halloween Resurrection is the worst movie in the entire franchise.

Remember the final moments of H20?


So as I said before, Laurie killed the wrong guy, and as always, Michael survived another close call. Michael finally fufills his destiny by killing his sister in this film, and eventually SOMEONE had to die. Laurie and Michael are the two most important characters in this franchise, but eventually, one of them has to die. The constant narrow escapes reached the point of overkill, and since Michael is irreplaceable as the main antagonist (they tried to create another villain in Season Of The Witch, Halloween 5 and 6, and it didn’t work out), Laurie had to die.

I don’t have a problem with Laurie’s death in this film. I have a problem with the timing of it. For fuck’s sake, they killed off Laurie in the beginning! With the exception of Halloween 3, 4, 5, and 6, the Halloween film series revolved around Michael trying to kill Laurie. Laurie’s death is the major event, so everything after her demise is just pointless. Imagine Luke decapitating Vader and watching the Emperor’s demise in the first ten minutes of Return Of The Jedi. Or Nolan making the decision to open The Dark Knight Rises with the Batman/Bane fight in front of Gotham’s City Hall. Think about the reaction from wrestling fans, if Rock VS Cena was the opening match at Wrestlemania 28. Michael kills Laurie first, and then they force the audience into watching some shitty paranormal web show storyline (more on that later). Laurie’s death deserved special treatment, Laurie needed the spotlight, and she should’ve received a grand send-off. But no, they just had to kill her character in the beginning. Unbelievable.

Michael is still intimidating and scary, but the rest of the cast is atrocious in this film. Jamie Lee Curtis could’ve helped on the acting side of things, but she doesn’t last long here. The college kids are annoying and stupid characters, and Busta Rhymes really drags this cast into the shitter. He can’t act, and his fight scenes with Michael always leave me speechless, but not for good reasons, though.


Michael’s living in secret tunnels beneath his old house? Well, if “secret tunnels” exist beneath Michael’s old house, then why didn’t he use them as a hiding spot in the previous films? The underground tunnels just pop up out of nowhere in Resurrection, and it’s just another prime example of the writers making shit up along the way. 

In H20, ignoring the satanic cult bullshit with Dr.Wynn/The Man In Black in Halloween 6 didn’t bother me too much, because the thought of some outside force having control over Michael just kills the mystique for his character. But what happened to Laurie’s son? Remember Josh Hartnett in H20? He portrayed John Tate (or John Strode), Laurie’s teenage son. Michael hunts and kills family members that are apart of his bloodline, and John survived in H20. We’re supposed to forget about Laurie’s son? The primary protagonist’s second child? The continuity problems for the Halloween franchise started with Season Of The Witch in 1982, and the trend of ignoring important details and broken storylines is a major problem for this film series.

Watching Decker guide and protect Sara towards the end is the nail in the coffin for me. Decker is watching the web show on a computer, and Decker sends Sara text message warnings of Michael’s position in the house. The text messages KILL the shock factor for the scares in this film. You can’t expect a surprised reaction, when you constantly post “HE’S AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS. RUN!” or “HE’S BEHIND YOU!” (paraphrased examples) as text messages on the screen.

So let’s see. Annoying characters, bad acting, lame deaths (sorry, the beheadings didn’t do anything for me), and they kill off the primary protagonist  in the first fourteen minutes of the movie? Yep, Halloween Resurrection is a steaming pile of shit, and it’s the worst film in the Halloween franchise, easily. Yes, Season Of The Witch and Halloween 6/The Curse Of Michael Myers are better, and that’s saying something. The Halloween franchise would receive a reboot five years after the release of this film, and if you’ve ever seen Resurrection, then you’ll understand the need for a fresh start.

Final Rating: 1/10

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