2013 End Of The Year Awards- Worst Film- Movie 43

"Hey. Here's an idea. Let's put a bunch of noteworthy actors and actresses, including two former Oscar winners (Kate Winslet and Halle Berry), in a sketch comedy anthology film together, so they can humiliate themselves for an hour and thirty-seven minutes. It'll be great!"

Well, there's one big problem with this thought process: the novelty of name actors and actresses humiliating themselves doesn't last long. To paint a clearer picture, the novelty wears off in the first fifteen to twenty minutes of the movie.

I'm not going to stand up on a soapbox for a morality, because if you follow my blog, you'll know I'm a big fan of some nasty and violent horror movies. With that said, Movie 43 features one of the worst cases of overkill I've ever seen.When you constantly go out of your way to shove gross-out gags and profane comedy down the audience's throats, the gags and the jokes quickly lose their intended shock value.

Need some examples? Vanessa (Anna Faris) wants her husband Jason (Chris Pratt) to defecate on her, and Jason loads up on Mexican food to prepare for the big night. Robert (Liev Schreiber) and Samantha (Naomi Watts) constantly humiliate and haze their home schooled son, Kevin (Jeremy Allen White), and one of the pranks involves tying Jeremy to a pole outside, and they use feces to write on his torso. And the short featuring Hugh Jackman's Davis? Oy vey. There's a scrotum attached  to Davis' chin, and for some reason, Kate Winslet (Jackman's date) is the only person, who notices or is bothered by Jackman's abnormal condition.

Movie 43 is unfunny and tedious. That's bad enough, but that's not the most frustrating problem with 2013's biggest turkey. The directors and writers completely wasted different sets of actors and actress with lame humor, dull jokes, and mind-numbing stupidity. Sorry, but it's unacceptable, and I can't look the other way, when you waste an overall cast that's LOADED with talent.

There's a reason why I chose the picture with Richard Gere for this post. Gere's body language and facial expressions during the iBabe short capture my "what am I watching????" feelings for this abomination during my trip to the theater. Honestly, I had high hopes for Movie 43, but Movie 43 earned a spot on my list of bad theater experiences, because it's a chore to sit through, and I couldn't shake the felling of someone cheating me out of $10.00.

The Last Days On Mars (2013)(Minor Spoilers Review)

**This review contains MINOR spoilers, no big twists, major reveals, or character deaths**

After six long months, a research team’s mission on Mars is coming to a close. Led by Captain Charles Brunel (Elias Koteas), Vincent Campbell (Liev Schreiber), Kim Uldrich (Olivia Williams), Robert Irwin (Johnny Harris), Rebecca Lane (Romola Garai), Marko Petrovic (Goran Kostic), Richard Harrington (Tom Cullen), and Lauren Dalby (Yusra Warsama) put the finishing touches on their experiments and expeditions.

But the accidental discovery of a malicious virus derails plans for a peaceful return trip to Earth. The virus transforms members of the crew into violent zombies, forcing the remaining uninfected crew members to devise an escape plan before it’s too late……

It’s hard to keep track of all the Mars sci-fi/horror films now a days. Although, you can tug on the audience’s “This could actually happen!” thought process by using Mars as a setting. You have to think about the select few in the audience, who believe in the risks and danger of exploring the unknown, and the consequences of discovering  life on an another planet. Sure, there’s a chance we have neighbors in the Solar System, but there’s a good chance they’re not friendly and likeable aliens, who have a curious desire to bond with us, and learn the human way of life. Maybe they’re mapping out a strategy to take over? It’s something to think about.

Anyway, The Last Days on Mars won’t set the world on fire, but there’s enough suspense to hold your attention. After the zombie attacks kicked into high gear, I was hooked into the never-ending life or death struggle. The gory and bloody stuff is kept to a minimum here, and The Last Days On Mars doesn’t rely on extreme levels of nastiness to pull a reaction out of you. It’s a refreshing approach, and I didn’t have a big problem with the PG-13 rating.

But The Last Days On Mars isn’t free of problems. For starters, you’ll quickly notice some unlikable characters here. Kim is a disruptive and cold-hearted jerk, Dalby is a fussy tattletale, and as the story progresses, Irwin turns into that one guy, who stabs everyone in else in the back, so he can save his own skin. And of course, you have the overly dramatic and corny moments with a victim trying to fight the inevitable zombie transformation.

The Last Days On Mars features some familiar clichés and head shaking moments, but it’s not a terrible film. The cast is rock solid with some noteworthy performances from Liev Schreiber and Romola Garai, and the well-executed and suspenseful finale is so fun to watch. Bottom line, The Last Days On Mars is a satisfying and effective sci-fi/horror film, that’s capable of holding your attention for one hour and thirty-one minutes.

Rating: 6/10


Michael Jordan had another run with the Wizards after winning six championships. Brett Favre was one step away from earning a second ring with the Vikings.

As the world's definitive multi-talented superstar athlete, Trisha Bunrastar is taking an unexpected and shocking leap into a new career path. Assuming the identity of Freechelle Fantabulous, Trisha vows to fight crime and battle evildoers as a superheroine. Will she conquer her new mission? Find out more here! http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EFLI6VK

Or take a trip into my special world of madness that includes comedy, horror, and the supernatural in this collection of short stories- http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EFMYZ0U

And remember Amazon offers free Kindle App downloads for various platforms. Follow this link to find out more- http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771

Follow me on Twitter here- https://twitter.com/LQuigleyFan1

And don't forget to like both of my Facebook pages, because the Mitch MacReady 2 Facebook page includes quotes from both ebooks that can't fit into Tweets- https://www.facebook.com/mitch.macready

The Last Days On Mars (2013)(Spoiler Review)

**This review contains spoilers**

After six long months, a research team’s mission on Mars is coming to a close. Led by Captain Charles Brunel (Elias Koteas), Vincent Campbell (Liev Schreiber), Kim Uldrich (Olivia Williams), Robert Irwin (Johnny Harris), Rebecca Lane (Romola Garai), Marko Petrovic (Goran Kostic), Richard Harrington (Tom Cullen), and Lauren Dalby (Yusra Warsama) put the finishing touches on their experiments and expeditions.

But Marko complicates the peaceful farewell with a shocking discovery. Marko pinpoints the location of a living organism, but Marko doesn’t share his discovery with the rest of the team. Instead, Marko trusts the secret with Harrington and nobody else. With Harrington’s help, Marko embraks on a covert mission to retrieve samples from the living organism, so he can bask in the glory of being the man, who discovered life on Mars. Marko is a few steps away from the rover, but an opening crack in the ground sinks Marko into a seemingly bottomless pit.

Captain Brunel takes the necessary precautions to ensure the safety of his crew, but Marko’s discovery jeopardizes the entire mission. Marko unknowingly unleashed a deadly and contagious virus. The virus mutates any living human into a vicious zombie, and the crew is running out of time and resources, as zombified crew members wreak havoc on Mars. The calamity escalates into a deadly game of cat and mouse, while Vincent struggles to block out memories from a tragic accident on a space station. With Vincent leading the way, the remaining uninfected crew members devise an escape plan, but Vincent and the others are forced to come up with a new strategy, when the zombies invade their sealed stronghold…….

It’s hard to keep track of all the Mars sci-fi/horror films now a days. Although, you can tug on the audience’s “This could actually happen!” thought process by using Mars as a setting. You have to think about the select few in the audience, who believe in the risks and danger of exploring the unknown, and the consequences of discovering  life on an another planet. Sure, there’s a chance we have neighbors in the Solar System, but there’s a good chance they’re not friendly and likeable aliens, who have a curious desire to bond with us, and learn the human way of life. Maybe they’re mapping out a strategy to take over? It’s something to think about.

Anyway, The Last Days on Mars won’t set the world on fire, but there’s enough suspense to hold your attention. After the zombie attacks kicked into high gear, I was hooked into the never-ending life or death struggle. The gory and bloody stuff is kept to a minimum here, and The Last Days On Mars doesn’t rely on extreme levels of nastiness to pull a reaction out of you. It’s a refreshing approach, and I didn’t have a big problem with the PG-13 rating.

But The Last Days On Mars isn’t free of problems. For starters, you’ll quickly notice some unlikable characters here. Kim is a disruptive and cold-hearted jerk, Dalby is a fussy tattletale, and as the story progresses, Irwin turns into that one guy, who stabs everyone in else in the back, so he can save his own skin. And of course, you have the overly dramatic and corny moments with a victim trying to fight the inevitable zombie transformation. Towards the end, Rebecca realizes she won’t make it after suffering an infection, but Vincent refuses to give up on her. Rebecca eventually turns, and she commits suicide by removing her helmet on the surface of Mars. Then, a zombified Rebecca tries to attack and kill Vincent, so Vincent is forced into a mercy killing. Yeah, I’ve seen this scenario in SO many other zombie films. For me, It’s a tiresome and clichéd formula, so I couldn’t feel the heartbreak during Rebecca’s demise.

Although, I have to admit, I was on the edge of my seat during the finale. So Rebecca is dead (again) after the mercy killing from Vincent, and Vincent is struggling to make it to the rendezvous point with a rover that’s running low on battery power. The rescue ship arrives, but the rescue crew is decimated by a horde of attacking zombies. An infected Irwin tries to take off for Earth, and Irwin is able to fly the ship into outer space, but Vincent murders him during a fight. During the struggle, Vincent suffered a stab wound to the face, so Vincent is worried about a possible infection. Vincent doesn’t have enough fuel to reach a refill space station, so Vincent warns the space station on Earth about the virus with a time delayed message before the screen fades to black.

It’s a tense series of events. Who’s going to win the fight? Will Irwin make it back to Earth, and spread the infection? Or will Vincent initiate a self-destruct sequence on the ship to eradicate the virus?  I was pulling for Vincent to make it, because he was on a short list of selfless heroes in The Last Days On Mars. Plus, fading the screen to black, as Vincent helplessly floats away in space was a nice touch for a cliffhanger, because nothing is 100% clear. You’re not sure if Vincent is alive, infected, or if someone on Earth listened to his pleas for help. And who knows, maybe another zombie sneaked on to the ship, when Vincent wasn’t paying attention?

The Last Days On Mars features some familiar clichés and head shaking moments, but it’s not a terrible film. The cast is rock solid with some noteworthy performances from Liev Schreiber and Romola Garai, and the well-executed and suspenseful finale is so fun to watch. Bottom line, The Last Days On Mars is a satisfying and effective sci-fi/horror film, that’s capable of holding your attention for one hour and thirty-one minutes.

Rating: 6/10


Michael Jordan had another run with the Wizards after winning six championships. Brett Favre was one step away from earning a second ring with the Vikings.

As the world's definitive multi-talented superstar athlete, Trisha Bunrastar is taking an unexpected and shocking leap into a new career path. Assuming the identity of Freechelle Fantabulous, Trisha vows to fight crime and battle evildoers as a superheroine. Will she conquer her new mission? Find out more here! http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EFLI6VK

Or take a trip into my special world of madness that includes comedy, horror, and the supernatural in this collection of short stories- http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EFMYZ0U

And remember Amazon offers free Kindle App downloads for various platforms. Follow this link to find out more- http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771

Follow me on Twitter here- https://twitter.com/LQuigleyFan1

And don't forget to like both of my Facebook pages, because the Mitch MacReady 2 Facebook page includes quotes from both ebooks that can't fit into Tweets- https://www.facebook.com/mitch.macready

Movie 43 (2013)

**This review contains spoilers**


Charlie Wessler (Dennis Quaid) is down on his luck. Charlie tries to pitch a unique idea for a movie to Griffin Schraeder (Greg Kinnear), a film executive. Charlie proposes an idea that would involve various comedy shorts featuring notable Hollywood stars. Charlie’s edginess and vulgarity is too much for Griffin, but Charlie forces Griffin into a meeting to discuss the film at gunpoint. Griffin must convince his boss, Bob (Common) to buy the movie, and he must interrupt a very important meeting with Seth MacFarlane to do so. Charlie needs the money and fame to resurrect his career, and “The Pitch” could give him one more shot at stardom.

Movie 43 is not funny. I might as well get that out of the way now, because I’ll probably go on another long rant. Movie 43 tries WAY too hard. Being outrageous and vulgar is one thing, but when you constantly shove gross-out gags and profane comedy down the audience’s throat, the jokes just lose their shock factor after a while. Movie 43 is a prime example for one of the worst cases of overkill I’ve ever seen in any type of movie. And here come the examples (in no specific order, just picking out the worst ones)!

#1- Beth (Kate Winslet) is looking for the right guy, so she goes on a blind date with Davis (Hugh Jackman), a wealthy and successful businessman. Beth is overwhelmed with joy…..until Davis removes his scarf to reveal a scrotum attached to his chin.

My Thoughts: Eh, the shock factor of seeing Hugh Jackman with a scrotum attached to his chin wore off pretty quickly for me. It wasn’t funny, and the over the top antics didn’t help anything. And for some strange reason Beth is the ONLY person, who notices, and has a problem with Davis’ unusual condition? Okay then. I’ll give Kate Winslet and Jackman credit for effort, but Jackman’s freak show carny character wasn‘t funny. In fact, the bearded lady would’ve been a better choice.

#2- Jason (Chris Pratt) and Vanessa (Anna Faris) have plans to take their relationship to the next level. During a picnic, Jason prepares to propose to Vanessa, but before he can pop the big question, Vanessa reveals her fantasy: she wants Jason to defecate on her. Jason is the loyal husband, so he decides to honor Vanessa’s request by loading up on Mexican food and a liquid laxative. But Jason and Vanessa run into some problems on the big night.

My Thoughts: What…the fuck? Truth be told, I knew the big secret behind this short, because I watched the red band trailers. STILL, this. Was. Not. Funny! The shitty conclusion (no pun intended) involves Jason running out into the street to catch Vanessa after an argument. And as he’s chasing his girlfriend, Jason is hit by a car in the rear, and Jason has an accident on impact. Pratt and Faris are married in real life, so I guess they felt comfortable doing this bizarre short with each other. But I couldn’t get into this. I just couldn’t. There’s a scene, where Jason discusses the strategy for the big night with his friends during a barbecue, while Vanessa decorates a cake with poo colored frosting. Yeah.

3#- Emily (Halle Berry) and Donald (Stephen Merchant) are on a blind date at a Mexican restaurant. Emily and Donald met each other through an online dating service, but Emily is bored during the date, so she decides to spice things up with a risky game of truth or dare.

My Thoughts: Overkill is a reoccurring  problem for Movie 43, and this short is a prime example of the second biggest problem here. The game of truth or dare between Emily and Donald wasn’t bad at first. Emily dares Donald to grab a guy’s butt, and Donald dares Emily to blow out the candles on a blind kid’s birthday cake. But they ran the dare gimmick into the ground. Halle Berry fills up a turkey baster with hot sauce, and she sticks it in her……well, just use your imagination. And somehow they managed to top the awfulness of that dare with dueling plastic surgery dares between Emily and Donald. Halley Berry’s prosthetic, floppy, and large breasts brought a facepalm out of me, and during another dare, Berry dips her breasts in guacamole sauce.

4#- Robert (Liev Schreiber) and Samantha (Naomi Watts) are home schooling their son, Kevin (Jeremy Allen White). But Robert and Samantha’s odd methods raise some serious questions for two visiting neighbors.

My Thoughts: Well, Robert and Samantha are home schooling Kevin, but they decide to bully him at the same time. That’s right. And the methods of bullying include, but are not limited to, tying Kevin to  a flagpole in the front yard, using feces to write obscenities on his chest, locking him outside of the house during a party, and teasing incest. Again, I tried to laugh, but I just couldn’t.

Movie 43 is a giant shit-fest. The novelty of popular celebrities humiliating themselves didn’t last long for me. In fact, this novelty wore off in the first fifteen minutes. I was HOPING for Movie 43 to get better as time passed, but it didn’t. Also, Snooki has a cameo in this film.

The superhero skit was incredibly lame, because it revolved around Batman being a dick, and a lame running joke about Kristen Bell’s private parts. Chloe Grace Moretz and Christopher Mintz-Plasse’s short was an abomination. Moretz’s character experiences her first period, and for some asinine reason everyone panics? And the solution is to use one of those micro fiber mops as a cork to stop Moretz’s “problem.” The Leprechaun short with Johnny Knoxville, Sean William Scott, and Gerard Butler was hideous, and they ran every dick joke imaginable into the ground. The iBabe garbage was beyond stupid. In short, it’s a storyline about life sized iPods with naked women. Kate Bosworth and Richard Gere are executives of the company for the iBabe. Bosworth is trying to shut down production, because teenage males are injuring themselves by playing with the bottom half of the iBabe.

And the commercials within the movie just felt like a big waste of time. The iBabe commercials showed another naked woman, and the black and white commercial with office workers spitting on underprivileged children, who operate copying machines couldn‘t pull the intended shock value laugh out of me. Also, they just had to throw in the predictable and lame post-credits blooper/gag reel featuring the entire cast.

But stick around after the credits, because Movie 43 has one more trick up its sleeve! Elizabeth Banks’ character is in a committed and loving relationship with Josh Duhamel’s character. But there’s one problem…… Anson’s (Duhamel) homosexual cat named Beezel is attracted to his owner, and Beezel hates Amy (Banks) for coming between them. Oh, and the cat is animated (I’m not kidding). Beezel is shown in some pretty graphic sexual situations for an animated cat. Beezel uses a hairbrush to cope with (use your imagination) the thought of losing Anson, and Beezel’s actions left me speechless, but not for good reasons, though. The final scene involves Amy walking into a trap set up by Beezel, leading to a fight between the two, and Amy is beaten to death by a group of children at a birthday party? Seriously? And the children use party favors to murder Amy. 

I honestly can’t imagine someone having any middle ground for Movie 43. You’re going to hate it, or you’re going to love it. It’s that simple. And I hated it, easily the biggest turkey of 2013 so far. Ugh, I can’t believe I wasted time watching this. 

Final Rating: 0/10