Livid/Livide (2011)

**This review contains spoilers**

Lucie (Chloe Coulloud) is starting her first day of training for a house nurse job. Mrs. Wilson (Catherine Jacob) trains Lucie, and after giving a simple shot, Lucie starts to gain some confidence. But things change, when Mrs. Wilson makes the final stop on Lucie’s first day tour. In a rustic mansion, Deborah Jessel (Marie-Claude Pietragalla) is still in a coma. Forced to rely on a respirator machine, Deborah is an elderly woman, who’s alone, and she’s a former ballet teacher. According to Mrs. Wilson, Deborah’s daughter, Anna (Chloe Marcq) died at a young age, and Mrs. Wilson’s folktale of Deborah’s rumored buried treasure catches Lucie’s attention.

Lucie tells her boyfriend, Will (Felix Moati) about Deborah Jessel’s buried treasure, and Will comes up with a plan to steal it. Lucie refuses to participate in Will’s planned heist at first, but Lucie’s father continues to show no remorse for her mother’s death, and her father’s infatuation with a new girlfriend sickens Lucie. Stealing the treasure could provide a better life for Lucie and Will, and the treasure would give Lucie the ticket of freedom from her father, so she agrees to lead Will’s heist.

On Halloween night, Lucie, Will, and their friend, Ben (Jeremy Kapone) team up to steal the treasure from Deborah’s mansion. But when they finally break-in, a series of strange events complicates the planned heist.  Deborah disappears, and the friends learn a shocking secret after they find Anna’s preserved corpse: the Jessel’s are vampires, and instead of finding treasure, Lucie, Will, and Ben unknowingly stumbled into a deadly trap. 

Kapone and Moati deliver a pair of decent performances, but the women steal the show here. Coulloud is a solid leading lady, and Jacob adds a spark to her deceitful character. Pietragalla is a very convincing cold-hearted and ruthless bitch in Deborah’s flashbacks as a ballet instructor and mother. Plus, she’s more menacing and evil during the present storyline, and the creepy make-up really pulls the withered vampire look together. And she doesn’t speak one word in this film, but Chloe Marcq did a wonderful job of using body language and robotic-like movements (her dance scene on the life-sized ballerina music box is unreal) to express her emotions.

So Lucie, Will, and Ben are trying to find treasure. Well, they found a treasure, but it’s not the type of treasure they hoped for, because Jessel’s mummified daughter is her greatest treasure. That’s right, a giant key around Deborah’s neck activates Anna’s life-sized music box, and of course, Anna awakes  from her deep sleep after one turn of the key. Yeah, it might sound like a corny twist to most people, but I really enjoyed it. After discovering Anna’s music box, the devastated “what the fuck are we going to do now???” reaction from Will was just priceless.

They were so sure about the key. It was going to unlock the treasure, and once they found the treasure, Lucie, Will, and Ben wouldn’t have to worry about money for the rest of their lives. But they didn’t find money, gold bars, or jewels. It’s a genuinely surprising  twist, and you can feel the panic and devastation from Lucie, Will, and Ben.

I enjoyed Livid, but this film has a few annoying question marks. During a flashback, Anna attacks and kills one her of mother’s ballet students by drinking her blood. She runs outside during the daytime heat, and of course, vampires and sunlight don’t mix. Anna is burned by the sun, but Deborah doesn’t suffer any damage, when she goes out to drag her daughter inside the mansion?

During the heist at Deborah’s mansion, Ben is teleported into a secluded room. Here, Ben suffers a brutal and fatal beating from three zombie-like bridesmaids or ballerinas (I‘m not sure), who suddenly appear out of nowhere? Where did the women come from? Who are they working for? Are they zombies or vampires? I know this sounds like a nitpicky complaint, but Ben’s beating is one of the many “huh?” moments in this film.

At the very end, Lucie kills Deborah with Anna’s help. Anna and Lucie walk out into the morning, and the sunlight doesn’t burn Anna? Okay, earlier in the film, Anna suffers some nasty burns from the sunlight, but at the end, she walks out into the sunlight, and NOTHING happens? But it’s not over yet. Lucie and Anna walk to the edge of a cliff, while holding hands. Anna lets go of Lucie’s hand in an attempt to commit suicide, but instead, Anna literally flies towards the sun? And the sun HEALS her burn wounds! I already reached the point of questioning Livid’s logic at the halfway mark, but this was just ridiculous.

Also, during the ending, they show an outside shot of the mansion during the night. And Deborah's mansion apparently jumps into some alternate universe at night? Seriously? What’s the point here? I’m guessing the alternate reality stuff  is suppose tie up the  loose ends for Lucie, Will, and Ben not being able to escape the house at night. BUT, if that’s the explanation, then breaking in should’ve been impossible, right?

With all that said, Livid was an enjoyable horror film for me. Some people will just see a pretentious art house bore, but Livid provides a nice mix of fantasy and horror. The nighttime scenes at the mansion are loaded with some excellent tension, and Livid features a good amount of bloody and disgusting gore.

Yeah, the ending is romanticized, over the top, and kind of silly. Plus, Lucie, Will, and Ben’s reasoning behind stealing the treasure is cliched. Lucie is broke, and still living at home with her father. Will hates his life as a poor fisherman, and his overbearing father/boss won‘t tolerate any slacking. Ben is a waiter for Will’s mom (she owns a bar/restaurant), and the “we want a better life” from rags to riches story has been done to death. But Livid still packs a powerful punch. It starts out slow, and you’ll have to follow the subtitles (Livid is a French language film), but once Livid kicked into high gear, I couldn’t pull myself away from the screen.

And I can’t forget about Livid’s Halloween nod! Before they make the trip to Deborah’s house, Will spots a group of trick-or-treaters wearing Halloween masks, and Will said “happy, happy, Halloween, Silver Shamrock!” This one line pays homage to Halloween III: Season Of The Witch. Silver Shamrock is the name of Conal Cochran’s (the main villain) evil mask company in Halloween 3, and Will’s line of dialogue is used in the Silver Shamrock Halloween commercials.  It’s a great geek-out moment for any Halloween fan, and I loved it.   

Final Rating: 7/10

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)

**This review contains spoilers**

Following the events of Silent Night, Deadly Night, Billy Chapman is dead after taking a series of gunshots to the back at St. Mary‘s Orphanage. But the sight of his dead brother’s body was too much handle, so as a child, Ricky issued a deadly warning to Mother Superior by placing her on his “naughty” list.

Billy failed in his mission to kill Mother Superior, but Billy’s attack forced the closure of St. Mary’s Orphanage. Bound to a wheelchair, Mother Superior (Jean Miller) is retired and recovering from a stroke, and with the help of Sister Mary (Nadya Wynd), Ricky found a foster family. The Rosenbergs embraced Ricky as their own child, but Ricky still experienced flashbacks from his traumatic childhood.

Heartbroken over his stepfather’s death as a teenager, Ricky tries to fight through the depression, but after witnessing an attempted rape, Ricky embarks on a brutal killing spree. But Ricky runs out of luck after murdering his girlfriend Jennifer (Elizabeth Kaitan), her ex-boyfriend Chip (Ken Weichert), and other innocent  bystanders. During the standoff with the police, Ricky tries to commit suicide, but he runs out of bullets.

As an eighteen year-old man, Ricky’s (Eric Freeman) last name is changed to Caldwell, and he’s a patient at a mental hospital. One day, Ricky receives a tape recorded evaluation from Dr. Henry Bloom (James L. Newman). Ricky already angered other psychiatrists, so after failing numerous evaluations, Dr. Bloom becomes Ricky’s last chance to avoid a trip to the electric chair. But as Ricky recalls his troubled childhood and murders as a teenager, Dr. Bloom slowly shows signs of fear after each story. Ricky takes advantage of Dr. Bloom’s fear, murders him, and Ricky escapes the hospital.

Ricky finds a Salvation Army-like Santa Claus, murders him, steals his suit, and Ricky plans to follow in his brother’s footsteps. Picking up where Billy left off, Ricky plans to take his axe to the retired Mother Superior’s home, and finish his brother’s mission.

Eric Freeman’s Ricky is more devious than Robert Brian Wilson’s Billy. Billy was someone, who snapped, AND he showed remorse during his final moments. Billy’s innocence was believable, because his character was victimized and tormented, but Ricky’s a different story. Mother Superior was nice to Ricky. Ricky had a girlfriend, who cared about him, and The Rosenbergs loved him as a child and a teenager. But Ricky chose his path as a sadistic asshole. He enjoyed killing people, and he embraced the murdering psycho inside of him. With all that said, I enjoyed Eric Freeman’s Ricky more than Wilson’s Billy. Yes, Freeman is hammy, but his dark side is more creepy, in a comical way of course.

Also, they added another layer to the Chapman Brother’s traumatic triggers here. In Part I, Billy’s flashbacks from St. Mary’s Orphanage and his parent’s murders trigger his killing sprees. In Part II, Ricky’s rage is triggered by flashbacks from the same events, but the color red and nuns also play an important factor in causing his tirades.

Unfortunately, my praises for this film stop with Freeman. Kaitan is just eye candy, and Newman is solid enough, but the constant flashbacks (more on that later) kill any chances of momentum for his character. Sister Mary is a caring character, but she can’t measure up to Gilmer McComrik’s Sister Margaret.

And they changed the actress, who portrayed Mother Superior! Miller’s crabby and feeble old lady act is painful to watch. Yes, I understand Mother Superior had a stroke, but Lilyan Chauvin was irreplaceable, because she MADE the Mother Superior character. They tried to use the stroke, and awful, distracting deformed skin make-up to justify  Mother Superior’s new personality, but fuck, if they couldn’t get Chauvin to reprise her role, then they should’ve  just killed off the Mother Superior character altogether. Superior is the main target for Billy and Ricky. She’s the reason why they went on the killing sprees in the first place. You can’t use an underwhelming replacement for such an important character, and try to pass her off as the same person in the original. Superior ‘87 is a major problem, and I usually cringe or face palm before her first appearance, because Superior’s presence just KILLS the final climax in this film.

Flashbacks are okay, if you just use a few CLIPS here and there, but Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 literally replays entire scenes from the original. As Ricky retells his story to Dr. Bloom, the story shifts back to Part I, showing select scenes in their entirety (Santa murdering Billy & Ricky’s parents, Billy’s tirades, Billy’s abuse at the orphanage, the ending, etc.). This style of storytelling is just lazy, and it kills all of the momentum for the present story. Yeah, they play flashback footage from the present storyline, but you won’t see it until the forty minute mark. And everything feels so rushed and underdeveloped, when they finally make the transition to Ricky’s escape at the very end. It feels like you’re watching two movies in one, and the constant back and forth shifts to present and past straggle into a giant clustered mess.

I try to stay in suspension of disbelief mode for movies, but Silent Night Part 2 pushes everything too far. SOMEHOW Ricky has vivid memories of his parent’s deaths? Really? How? He was a baby when it all happened. Plus, Ricky was strapped to seat in the car as a baby, and the Santa murdered his mother outside, so he couldn’t see anything. Ricky explains how Billy told him the story of his parent’s murders, but still, I have a hard time buying into an eighteen year-old vividly remembering a tragedy as an infant. They tried to recreate the “flashbacks trigger a tirade” effect with Ricky, but Ricky recalling the tragedies from his childhood was just too far fetched for my taste.

Also, before he reaches the age of eighteen, Ricky is strolling through the woods one day, and he accidentally witnesses a couple having a picnic. The boyfriend tries to rape his girlfriend, but Ricky jumps inside his red jeep, and he runs him over, killing the boyfriend. Umm, why was this necessary? Did they really have to stretch things so far to include a random attempted rape scene to maintain continuity from the first film?

So Ricky EASILY kills Dr. Bloom, and escapes the mental hospital? Umm, if killing psychiatrists and strolling out of the mental hospital is SO easy, then why didn’t Ricky kill one of the psychiatrists before Bloom? I’m suppose to believe Ricky just decided to kill the last psychiatrist out of the blue? No. Just no. 

Ruining the big climax/final showdown with a replacement Mother Superior was bad enough, and Superior’s decapitation just made everything worse. Ricky chops off her head with an axe, but when the cops and Sister Mary arrive at her house, Superior’s body is still in the wheelchair……until Sister Mary’s slight touch causes her head to fall off. AND when the head falls off, you can clearly see signs of a prosthetic dummy head. Ugh, I always roll my eyes at this moment. Unbelievable, just unfuckingbelievable.

Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 is mostly remembered for Ricky’s famous “GARBAGE DAY!” outburst during the wild killing spree towards the end. It’s become a popular and well-known meme over the years, and here’s a pic:

                                

But Part 2 is still a terrible film. Freeman’s nutty raging lunatic act is hilarious, but in good conscience, I can’t give this film a positive score. I just can’t.

Final Rating: 2/10

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

On Christmas Eve in 1971, a young Billy Chapman visits his demented grandfather in a mental hospital. After the doctor insists on having a word in private with Billy’s parents, his mother, father, and infant brother Ricky leave him alone. Suddenly, Grandpa Chapman (Will Hare) delivers an ominous warning about Santa Claus’ methods of punishment for naughty children.

Frightened, Billy leaves with his family, but the Chapman’s receive an unexpected surprise during the nighttime ride home. A man dressed in a Santa Claus’ suit is standing in front of a red car with the hood up, as he signals the Chapman’s for help. But “Santa” is carrying a gun, and as Billy’s father tries to drive away, Santa shoots him in the head, killing him. Billy’s mother tries to escape, but Santa catches her. After an attempted rape, Santa slits Mrs. Chapman’s throat, killing her. Billy hides in the nearby woods, as his baby brother continues to scream and cry.

In 1974, Billy and Ricky are still trying to adjust to life at St. Mary’s Orphanage. But Billy is haunted by flashbacks of his parent’s death, and he slowly develops a deep, seething hatred for Christmas and Santa Claus. Sister Margaret (Gilmer McCormik) tries to provide comfort for Billy, but the strict and domineering Mother Superior (Lilyan Chauvin) won’t tolerate any disobedience or unruly behavior. Billy is constantly beaten and tormented by Mother Superior, and after attacking the orphanage's Santa Claus on Christmas Day, Billy receives another savage beating from Mother Superior.

As an eighteen year-old man in 1984, Billy (Robert Brian Wilson) receives a stocking job at Ira’s Toys (a local toy store) with help of Mother Superior and Sister Margaret. Ricky is still under the care of the other nuns and Mother Superior at the orphanage, and with the exception of his pushy superior Andy, Billy doesn’t encounter any major problems.

But when the store Santa Claus is forced to call in sick, Billy steps into the role of Jolly Old St. Nick. Billy experiences more flashbacks of his parent’s murders, and things get out of control during the store’s annual Christmas party. Drunk, angry, and confused, Billy accidentally witnesses his only crush and co-worker, Pamela with Andy in the stockroom. With Billy’s help, Pamela narrowly escapes Andy’s attack, but witnessing another attempted rape triggers Billy’s flashbacks. Billy kills Andy and Pamela, murders the store manager, and as she tries to call 911, Billy murders the assistant store manager.

Armed with an axe, and a bloody taste for revenge, Billy (or Santa) sets out on a killing spree to punish the naughty people on Christmas Eve, and his mission isn‘t over until he achieves one final goal on Christmas Day: Billy is determined to return to the orphanage, and murder Mother Superior.

The two kids, who portray Billy as a kid are solid, but I'd give the edge to Danny Wagner (8 year-old Billy) for the better performance. Robert Brian Wilson’s hammy performance as the murderous Santa is entertaining. Wilson is over the top during his killing spree, and his evil grin is just perfect. You’ll only see him in the beginning, but Will Hare’s kooky “Santa’s gonna get you!“ act is good for a few cheap laughs. Lilyan Chauvin really nails the ice-cold bitch persona, and McCormik is believable as the caring and understanding nun. And for the most part, the women in this film are just eye candy.

And speaking of eye candy, the lovely scream queen of the 80’s, Linnea Quigley takes the cake here. For me, Quigley is an easy pick for the front and center spot for Silent Night, Deadly Night’s most grisly image. She’s the half naked woman, who suffers the brutal death of being shoved through the antlers of a deer head mount. And speaking of Quigley, the Denise (Quigley) character’s nonsensical actions in this film really irritate me. First, for some asinine reason, Denise feels the need to let the family cat inside the house in the middle of the night. She has the wherewithal to put on jean shorts, but at the same time, she goes outside into the freezing cold night topless? Then, after the cat runs inside the house, she leaves the door open, Billy shows up, and murders her? Sorry, but for YEARS this has been my one big pet peeve for Silent Night, Deadly Night, and everything surrounding  Denise’s death just annoys the shit out of me.

Too much controversy surrounded this film in 1984, and after all the protests, and condemning reviews from critics, Silent Night, Deadly Night was pulled from theaters. It outdrew the original Nightmare On Elm Street film at the box office during the opening weekend, but Santa killing people on Christmas crossed too many lines in 1984, and Silent Night, Deadly Night wouldn’t see theaters again until a few years later, after the uproar settled down of course. The new distributor (Aquarius Films) wanted to capitalize on the controversy, but they re-released a watered-down and heavily edited version of the film to fans of the original.

The uncut DVD version (not sure if they have a Blu-Ray or not) features more blood and gore. But the re-editing causes poor picture quality for some scenes. It’s not a big problem, but it’s noticeable. Anyway, the unrated versions (one released as a singles DVD years ago, one released with the second film as a two-pack, and to help push the remake, the two-pack with the unrated original and the second film was re-released in December under Anchor Bay, I think). Anyway, you can see the differences between the edited versions and the unrated version, but PLEASE don’t buy into the promise of “gratuitous nudity and sex” on the box covers. Trust me, it’s nothing outrageous or shocking. Hell, if anything, the sex and nudity in the unrated version is pretty tamed.

Silent Night, Deadly Night is a cheesy and over the top 80’s slasher. It’s mindless fun, and it’s one of my favorite Christmas horror films. Although, WITHOUT the Christmas theme, Silent Night, Deadly Night would just be another ordinary 80’s slasher. And more importantly, Silent Night, Deadly Night is remembered for sparking controversy, because the special effects are sub-par, the directing is okay at best, and this film is good for some cheap laughs, but at the same time, the writing is very pedestrian and corny.  Silent Night, Deadly Night is a good guilty pleasure, but a good amount of Silent Night fans praise this film as a horror masterpiece, and it’s kind of annoying.

Final Rating: 6/10

Case 39 (2010)

Social worker Emily Jenkins (Renee Zellweger) receives an assignment that will change her life forever. Emily is assigned to the case of ten year-old Liliahna Sullivan (Jodelle Micah Ferland). Liliahna’s (or “Lillith”) bad grades and awkward behavior raise some suspicious questions, and after the first visit with Liliahna’s parents, Emily suspects child abuse. Liliahna’s mother refuses to cooperate, and Liliahna’s father won’t speak to Emily directly. Instead, his wife relays his whispered messages to Emily.  Determined to help Liliahna, Emily keeps a close eye on her case, and after receiving a frightened phone call from Liliahna one night, Emily rushes to Liliahna’s house. With the help of her friend and detective Mike Barron (Ian McShane), Emily breaks into the Sullivan’s house after hearing Liliahna’s screams. Mike and Emily rescue Liliahna from a torturous death, because Liliahna’s parents planned to cook her alive by trapping their only child in an oven.

Liliahna’s parents are sent to separate mental hospitals, and Emily risks her reputation and job security by adopting Liliahna. But Emily questions Liliahna’s motives after two bizarre and mysterious deaths. Douglas J. Ames (Bradley Cooper) is a psychiatrist and he’s Emily‘s close friend, and after Liliahna’s routine evaluation, Douglas is visibly shaken by Liliahna’s peculiar questions. Liliahna’s devious behavior frightens Emily, so she decides to visit her father at the mental hospital for more answers. Here, Liliahna’s father reveals Liliahna’s shocking secret: Liliahna is a demon, who preys on vulnerable people, and if she doesn’t get her way, she will kill her victims.

I never understood the hype behind Renee Zellweger, but she delivers a good performance in this film. Zellweger really shines towards the end, as the Emily character realizes she made a mistake adopting Liliahna, and Zelleweger’s nervous breakdown act is just fantastic. Cooper is believable in the “caring friend” role, and McShane was the perfect choice for the hard-ass detective persona. And I can’t forget about Jodelle Micah Ferland. Ferland’s innocence as the helpless child is spot on, and she really nailed the devious and delightfully evil side of  Liliahna’s personality.

I know I’m in the minority, but I LOVED Case 39. At first, it’s a heartwrenching story of a young girl, who suffers abuse from her parents. But Case 39 slowly develops into a spooky demonic thriller, as Emily struggles to come up with a plan to get rid of Liliahna. Plus, Case 39 provides a few squirming gross-out scenes and deaths. Bradley Cooper’s hornet infestation scene in the bathroom was unreal, and it’s an easy pick for my favorite sickening moment in this film.

With all that said, I can see why a lot of critics and movie fans trashed this film. The story is kind of generic, BUT at the same time, I think the generic criticisms are somewhat overexaggerated. Case 39 features some good twists and turns, and you’re a lying sack of shit, if you “predicted” the ending (I’ve seen this in other places).  There’s NO WAY anyone could’ve predicted Emily’s decision at the end step by step. It’s just impossible. If you’re just burnt out on the “creepy demonic child reeking havoc” stuff, then I can understand that. But when you pull the “I could see everything coming” card, you just sound like one of those pretentious “it’s insulting to my intelligence” douchebags.

Case 39 delivers a few good jump scares, and I was hooked into the suspenseful turmoil of Liliahna’s diabolical attacks. I admired Christian Alvart’s stylish and precise directing, and his crafty guidance enhances Case 39‘s tense and eerie atmosphere. Renee Zellweger and Jodelle Micah Ferland provide strong performances, and the supporting cast is solid. Case 39 isn’t perfect, but on the flipside, it’s not an abomination of epic proportions. 

Final Rating: 7/10

The Faculty (1998)

As aliens take over their high school, a group of teens form an unlikely alliance. Casey (Elijah Wood), Stokely (Clea DuVall), Stan (Shawn Hatosy), Marybeth (Laura Harris), Delilah (Jordana Brewster), and Zeke (Josh Hartnett) team up to stop the alien invasion and save the world. Zeke’s Scat, a diuretic/hallucinogenic drug is the only surefire weapon capable of killing the amphibious aliens. But the teens run into some trouble, as they struggle to find the leader (or queen) of the alien invasion, and they’re forced to fight off the crafty alien football coach, Joe Willis (Robert Patrick) and the rest of the possessed staff at school.

The cast is full of high school sterotypes. Casey is the shy and soft-spoken nerd, Stokely is the gothic outcast, and Zeke is the bad boy. And you can’t forget about Delilah, the narcissistic bitch, Stan, the popular high school quarterback, and Marybeth, the cheery and friendly “new kid.” Although, to be fair, the Stan character wanted to erase his reputation as the glorified high school quarterback during the early stages of this film. But after the final battle with the aliens, the main characters realize their mistakes in life, and they change their personalities for the better, starting a new path.

Everyone provides the perfect parody performance for their characters. I’d give the edge to Hartnett and Wood for the stand-out stars in this cast, and Robert Patrick is hilarious as the hard-ass football coach. Plus, Famke Janssen (Miss Elizabeth) is spot on, as Zeke’s insecure and nervous punching bag, and they don’t last long, but Jon Stewart and Salma Hayek have a few funny moments. My only complaint from this cast is a young Usher Raymond. He’s just terrible, and his atrocious pretty boy act is painful to watch.

Desperado was my first Robert Rodriguez film, and From Dusk Till Dawn will always be my favorite Rodriguez film, but The Faculty still holds a special place in my heart as a childhood favorite. The special effects are kind of tacky, but Rodriguez provides a handful of genuine gross-out moments. The gore isn’t too tamed, and it’s not too gruesome, it’s just right. The gross-out moments are guaranteed to pull a reaction out of you, and of course, Rodriguez takes a more extreme approach to blood and gore (i.e. Sin City, Planet Terror) in his films now a days.

The Faculty has a nice balance of humor and disgusting violence (or nauseating alien transformations), and each scene provides a good example of both:
                                    


                                  


                                  

The Faculty is a fun sci-fi/horror film, and I can’t believe it took me this long to buy it on DVD. Yes, the clichéd “group of unlikely allies banding together to destroy a great evil power” storyline isn’t something new, and the popular kids vs the outcasts is a recycled feud in many different forms of media. But The Faculty never strives for perfection, or the status of a groundbreaking entry in the sci-fi/horror genre. It’s a romp of stylish violence and cheesy comedy, and the cast (minus Usher) is just excellent.

Plus, I always enjoy the references to older sci-fi films ( The Thing, Invasion Of The Body Snatchers, etc.), and The Faculty does a fantastic job of paying homage to the old school classics. Kevin Williamson’s (the writer for this film) screenplay has its moments as a “remember that?” wink to sci-fi/horror fans, and for me, The Faculty has an endless amount of rewatch value.

Final Rating: 8/10

Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)

**This review contains spoilers**

In 1974, a mob in Newt, Texas corners the Sawyer family at their house. Led by Mayor Burt Hartman (Paul Rae), a mob of townspeople demand blood for the crimes of Jed Sawyer (or “Leatherface“). Sheriff Hooper (Thom Berry) tries to make a deal with the Sawyer family, that would secure Jed’s peaceful surrender. But Burt orders his mob to burn down the Sawyer house, killing most of the Sawyer family. Jed’s chainsaw is found in the charred rubble, but the mob can’t find Jed’s body.

The mob takes Jed’s chainsaw as a trophy prize to hang in the local tavern, but Gavin Miller (one of the townspeople) finds two members of the Sawyer family scared and by themselves. Loretta Sawyer (Dodie Brown) cradles her infant daughter, Edith, but Gavin murders Loretta, and he takes the baby for his infertile wife, Arlene. Edith’s name is changed to Heather, and the Miller’s raise her as their child.

Years later, Heather (Alexandra Daddario) is a grown woman, and she receives a letter about her grandmother's passing. In her will, Verna Carson (Heather’s grandmother) gives Heather a luxurious mansion in Newt, Texas, and Heather learns the truth about her “adoption” from the Millers. Heather decides to visit the mansion with her boyfriend, Ryan (Trey Songz), her best friend Nikki (Tania Raymonds), her boyfriend, Kenny (Keram Malicki-Sanchez), and in an exchange for a dropped lawsuit, the friends pick up a hitchhiker named Darryl (Shaun Sipos).

Upon arrival in Newt, Texas, Heather receives Verna’s final letter and the keys to the mansion from the Sawyer family’s lawyer, Farnsworth (Richard Riehle). Heather tries to grasp the sight the Sawyer family cemetery in the front yard, but she’ll have to deal with a bigger problem. Behind a secret door, Jed Sawyer (Dan Yeager) is living in the dank cellars beneath the mansion. Sheriff Hooper tries to derail the sinister plans of a bitter Mayor Hartman, as Jed embarks on another killing spree.

First of all, Texas Chainsaw 3D IS a remake. It’s not the only and first direct sequel to Tob Hooper’s 1974 classic. Tob Hooper directed The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, and here’s a DVD cover to prove it.

                                                                  
                                                                         

Sorry, but I just had to mention this. Texas Chainsaw 3D tries to ignore its predecessor with the “direct sequel” stuff, but you can’t just omit the existence of a film like it never happened. I have the same feelings about The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo 2011. They marketed the 2011 film as a direct adaptation of the novel, ignoring the 2009 Swedish film. 

Anyway, Alexandra Daddario delivers the best performance in this film, easily. Raymonds is just eye candy, and director John Luessenhop is obsessed with constant close-up shots of her ass. Trey Songz is just there, and Malicki-Sanchez doesn’t last long. Rae is a believable loud-mouthed and rambunctious redneck, and Thom Berry is decent enough as Sheriff Hooper.

Now on to Leatherface. Jed has his moments as an intimidating chainsaw wielding maniac. His cross-dressing habit is bizarre (for obvious reasons), but Jed is still a ruthless and cold-hearted killer looking for revenge. Thomas Hewitt (Leatherface in the 2003 remake and The Beginning) is still my pick for the most intimidating Leatherface. Andrew Bryniarski (Hewitt) embodied the presence of an unstoppable killing machine, but Dan Yeager provides some hope for future installments in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise. Plus, Yeager probably did some research (i.e. watching other Massacre films) for his character, because he really nailed Leatherface’s clunky style of running.

The 3D effects were impressive, Texas Chainsaw 3D is loaded with bloody and gruesome gore, and I enjoyed  John Luessenhop’s usage of footage from the 1974 original. Luessenhop shows actual footage from the 1974 original during the intro, and then he makes the transition to the present setting of Texas Chainsaw 3D. Clever trick, and I appreciated the extra effort.

With all that said, don’t get your hopes up for anything special in this film. With the exception of Heather’s decision at the end (more on that later), Texas Chainsaw 3D is a just a mindless slasher film, nothing less, nothing more. They pulled out every horror cliché imaginable for this film. As she runs from Leatherface’s attack, Heather trips and falls down twice. As the friends try to escape Leatherface, Ryan runs into some trouble, when the hippie van won’t start.

And they just had to throw in this stupid “search the house” scene towards the end. One of Sheriff Hooper’s deputies is searching the Sawyer mansion. He’s armed with one gun, a flashlight, and he uses his cell phone as  live look-in camera for Sheriff Hooper and Mayor Hartman. The deputy is walking though the  mansion ALONE, and he follows a long trail of blood to Leatherface’s cellar. He discovers Leatherface’s den of body parts and blood, BUT he never takes the numerous chances to safely leave the mansion, and of course Leatherface murders him in cold-blood, and he decides to use his face as a new mask. Ugh.

The slasher blueprint for Texas Chainsaw 3D is very predictable, but Heather’s SHOCKING decision at the end is a different story. So after narrowly escaping Leatherface’s attack at the town carnival, Heather is sitting in the Newt police station for protection, and Sheriff Hooper leaves a box of evidence from the Sawyer family murders on the table. Heather learns the truth about the Sawyer massacre, and the townspeople’s assault on her family. Oh, and Leatherface is her cousin.

Heather sneaks out of the police station, but she’s picked up by Deputy Carl. Throughout the film, Heather forms a friendly relationship with Carl…..until Carl reveals himself as Burt’s son. Carl isn’t trying to help Heather. He’s kidnapping her, and Carl is taking Heather to the local slaughterhouse. In an attempt to destroy the Sawyer bloodline once and for all, Burt plans on torturing and murdering Heather, and when he shows up, Burt will finish off Leatherface. Heather is tied-up and helpless, but Jed uses his chainsaw to free Heather. And as Sheriff Hooper gives the green light, Jed murders Burt.

Heather finally reads her grandmother’s last letter, and she learns about the strings attached to her new mansion: Heather must take care of Leatherface, and keep him hidden from the outside world.

Of course, a handful of horror aficionados are creaming themselves over Leatherface’s anti-hero status in this film. I’ll give Texas Chainsaw 3D some credit for this bold move. It  was an unexpected twist, and I laughed myself into tears, when Heather shouted “do your thing cuz!” as she gave him the chainsaw in the slaughterhouse. But where are they’re going to go now? The Heather character fully embraced her Sawyer heritage towards the end, and she agreed to take care of her cousin Jed, but can Heather really trust Jed? What’s going to stop him from losing his cool, and slicing Heather in half with his chainsaw? Plus, Heather keeping Leatherface a secret is easier said than done. The people of Newt are aware of his presence, and there’s only ONE place, where he could hide from the world. Is Heather capable of fighting off an entire town to protect her cousin? I doubt it.

Storyline wise, the anti-hero twist could be a disastrous hurdle for the future, but after thinking it over, I’ve settled into the “let’s see where it goes” mind set.

Texas Chainsaw 3D is trash, but it’s fun trash. You’ll see plenty of “don’t go in there!” or “don’t do that!” moments in this film, and the cheesy one-liners (“WELCOME TO TEXAS MOTHERFUCKER!”) might bring a few cheap laughs out of you.  Horror fans, who love gruesome gore and sickening deaths should enjoy this, and Texas Chainsaw 3D is my first guilty pleasure of 2013. Also, Gunner Hansen (the original Leatherface) has a cameo in this film, but I didn’t notice him.

Final Rating: 5/10

Upside Down (2013)

**This review contains spoilers**

In an alternate universe, Adam lives on a planet that shares dual gravity with another planet above. After losing  his biological parents in a devastating explosion caused by an oil refinery from the upper world, Adam spends time at an orphanage before living with his aunt.

Adam’s bottom planet houses the poor and starved half of the population, but the rich and healthy half of the population lives on the upper planet. TransWorld, a corporation that employs citizens from both planets, is the only connection between both worlds. TransWorld controls the economy between both worlds, and selling unaffordable electricity to the bottom planet is an important factor for maintaining  the separation between both planets.

Contact or intrusion between both worlds is strictly forbidden, and the Natural Law Police show no mercy towards defiance. Although, the citizens from the bottom planet CAN intrude into the upper world with the help of forbidden weights, or an illegal anti-gravity material, but this material has a short lifespan, and it burns quickly.

One day, a young Adam meets Eden at a boundary point on two mountains between both worlds. Adam builds a secret relationship with Eden, who lives in the upper world. As teenagers, Adam (Jim Sturgess) and Eden (Kirsten Dunst) continue their forbidden friendship, but an attack from a group of border patrolmen ends a routine meeting between the two. Adam tries to use a rope to return Eden to her world, but a border patrolmen shoots him in the arm, causing him to drop Eden. Eden crashes into the ground above, and she suffers a nasty head injury. Devastated, Adam returns home to see his aunt arrested by the Natural Law Police.

Ten years later, Adam is trying to finish a project that could change everything, a matter with pink bee pollen. Working through the kinks, Adam believes his new matter can withstand the gravitational pull from both worlds. But Adam needs more money and resources, so he decides to get a job at TransWorld. Although, Adam runs into an unexpected dilemma, when he spots Eden on a game show for the upper world. As a cover-up, Adam perfects his new matter into a beauty cream for TransWorld, but he can’t fight his desires to reunite with Eden. Adam is willing to risk everything to convince an amnesic Eden, while trying to outsmart his ruthless employers.

I don’t have any real complaints about the acting. Jim Sturgess and Kirsten Dunce provide two very solid performances, and Timothy Spall is decent enough as Bob (Adam‘s buddy at work). The cast is just fine, but the story….that’s a different problem.

Upside Down features grandiose set pieces, and extravagant, breathtaking scenery, but I can’t ignore Juan Diego Solanas’ shallow and predictable love story. You can see every twist and turn coming during Adam’s journey to recapture Eden’s heart. The love story slowly goes through the motions, and Eden’s sudden remembrance of her relatinoship with Adam raises too many “how is that possible?” questions. Seriously, Eden’s just laying around in her apartment, she has a random dream about her childhood with Adam, and then BAM! She instantly falls in love with him again? Initially, Solanas took his time building the reconnection between Adam and Eden, and establishing the two main characters as adults. But the ending was rushed and underdeveloped, and I just couldn’t buy into Eden’s miraculous recollection of the past.

Juan Diego Solanas’ weak screenplay is very disappointing, but I enjoyed his directing. Take a good look at the movie poster I posted above, because that’s what you’ll see for 90% of this film. Adjusting to Upside Down’s topsy-turvy landscape takes some time. In fact, you might experience feelings of nausea during the first fifteen or twenty minutes, but Solanas’ steady guidance really pulls everything together. Behind the camera, Solanas stays true to the story’s gravitational rules. When Jim sneaks into the upper world for the first time, he pees on the ceiling of a bathroom, as his anti-gravity material burns. And you’ll see a few inverted scenes, as Solanas shows both points of view from both worlds.

Upside Down is a frustrating film. A unique premise is squandered, because stunning visuals, and awe-inspiring backdrops can’t cover up the “been there, done that” storyline between Adam and Eden. Also, the obvious plot holes (mainly the big ones towards the end) constantly straggle into a giant mess, as the story progresses. It’s so irritating, because Upside Down could’ve been a great movie, but an average love story destroys any chances for supremacy.

Upside Down was released in 2012 for Russian and Canadian audiences. Upside Down should receive a US theatrical release date in March, and if I can find any showings near me, I might watch Upside Down on the big screen. The big screen won’t help the quality of this film, but I’m expecting a more extravagant experience from a theater showing. The big screen should enhance Upside Down’s visual wonderland, and it won’t happen, but Upside Down would be an ideal candidate for an IMAX release.

Final Rating: 3/10

Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings (2011)

It’s 1974, Glensville Sanatorium houses a select bunch of dangerous patients, and all hell breaks lose during an ordinary visit from a psychiatrist. The visiting psychiatrist, the head doctor, and his staff suffer brutal deaths at the hands of three escaped inbred cannibals/patients. Three-Finger (Sean Skene), One-Eye (Daniel Skene), and Saw-Tooth (Scott Johnson) carry out the murders. Glensville Sanatorium becomes a mess of blood and body parts, while Three-Finger, One-Eye, and Saw-Tooth disappear without a trace.

Twenty-nine years later, a group of friends decide to go snowmobiling during winter. Afterwards, they plan on visiting a friend’s cabin in the mountains. Sara (Tenika Davis) and her girlfriend, Bridget (Kaitlyn Wong), Kenia (Jenny Pudavick), Claire (Samantha Kendrick), her boyfriend Kyle (Victor Zinck, Jr.), Jenna (Terra Vnsea), her boyfriend Vincent (Sean Skene), Lauren (Ali Tataryn) and her boyfriend Daniel (Dean Armstrong) are headed for a vacation at their friend Porter’s cabin in the mountains.

During a rough snowstorm, the group of friends find refuge in the abandoned Glensville Sanatorium. But after some puzzling disappearances and the sight of Porter’s dismembered  body, the friends realize they’re not alone. The friends don’t have a reliable form of transportation anymore, because Three-Finger, One-Eye, and Saw-Tooth sabotaged their snowmobiles,  and the friends quickly run out of options, as the snowstorm becomes worse.

With the slight exception of Jenny Pudavick, the entire cast is just awful. Too many unconvincing and lazy performances, and there’s no need to mention the cannibals, because they don’t receive any spoken dialogue, just a lot of growling, grunting, heavy breathing, and moaning.

Well, if you’re looking for lots of blood, violence, nudity, and sex, Bloody Beginnings won’t disappoint you, because you’ll see all of this stuff within the first twelve minutes of the movie. But gore and naked women couldn’t save this film for me. Too many stupid characters, bad writing, and atrocious dialogue. The Vincent character is wondering around the sanatorium one night, and he suddenly shouts “Better not be playin’ with me dude! I’ll beat the shit out of you!” I just shook my head, and I seriously thought about turning the movie off before reaching the forty minute mark.

And the sneaky tactics from the cannibals raised too many question marks for me. So let me get this straight, they can’t talk or form a coherent sentence, they can’t read or write, and the cannibals don’t possess any knowledge of the modern outside world. BUT somehow Three-Finger, One-Eye, and Saw Tooth are capable of understanding the circuitry in snowmobiles, so they can sabotage them, and towards the end use the snowmobiles as vehicles for hunting the survivors. Plus, they’re capable of setting up complex traps (i.e. the barbed wire trap at the very end), and operating a tow truck? Bullshit.

NOW I remember why I stopped paying attention to the Wrong Turn films. After the original, this series really took a dive, releasing one shitty straight-to-video sequel after another. Wrong Turn 4 is a prequel for the original, and IF you care to know, Wrong Turn 4 establishes a vague backstory for the cannibals in the original. But it’s not much, because after the intro, Wrong Turn 4 doesn’t bother to continue the explanation for the origins of Three-Finger, One-Eye, and Saw Tooth.

Truth be told, the Wrong Turn franchise hit the “for fans only” stage after the original, because I can’t imagine any outsiders going out of their way to take a chance on these films. Bloody Beginnings is a cheap and lazy straight-to-video horror film. If you’re looking for an endless amount of gross-out deaths, Wrong Turn 4 will give you everything you ask for and more. But I can’t ignore the bad directing, the incompetent cast, shallow characters, and one of the most generic screenplays ever.

Final Rating: 1/10

Retreat (2011)

**This review contains spoilers**

Martin (Cillian Murphy) and Kate (Thandie Newton) Kennedy are visiting a remote island for their annual holiday retreat. Doug (Jimmy Yuill) is a close friend, and he owns a cottage on the island, which happens to be the only dwelling. Doug’s ferry provides the only reliable form of transportation to and from the island, but Martin and Kate are targeting a much needed vacation with no visits to the mainland.

Kate’s miscarriage has put a strain on the marriage, and Kate and Martin receive an unexpected surprise one day. Bloody and beaten, a stranger wearing military fatigues collapses in front of the cottage. Martin and Kate take the unconscious soldier inside, giving him a chance to rest, and eventually get back on his feet.

But as he sleeps off his injuries, Kate notices a gun on the soldier’s waist. Martin carefully removes the gun, but when he finally wakes up, the soldier reveals a devastating pandemic. Pvt. Jack Coleman (Jamie Bell) is a survivor from the outbreak of a deadly airborne disease called the Argromoto Flu. According to Coleman’s story, anyone who leaves the cottage or the island is in danger of catching the Argromoto Flu, which causes a painful, bloody death. Jack convinces Martin to board up the house, and stay put until the threat of the disease passes, but Kate isn’t buying into Jack’s story. Tensions rise, and as time passes, one thing becomes clear, Jack will not let Martin and Kate leave the cottage under any circumstances.

A good debut for director Carl Tibbetts. Tibbetts creates the perfect tense and eerie atmosphere, and there’s a strong sense of looming danger and fear throughout Retreat. It’s an impressive feat for a film that primarily revolves around three characters.

No real complaints from the cast. Thandie Newton and Cillian Murphy are believable, as the distraught and terrified married couple, and Jamie Bell’s “I’M NOT CRAZY!” act is entertaining. Doug isn’t worth mentioning, because you see him at the beginning, and then that’s it.

Was Jack telling the truth about the Argromoto Flu? Or is Jack just a nutcase, who’s taking out his frustrations on innocent people? Well, Jack wasn’t lying about the airborne disease. The Argromoto Flu is real, but the disease hasn’t reached the stage of a global outbreak yet, because Jack is the only carrier for the Argomonto Flu. Serving punishment for his crimes, Jack was experimented on at a military compound. After the experimentations, Jack contracted the Argromoto Flu.

Martin and Kate unknowingly housed a sick man, and out of panic, Jack decided to barricade himself, Martin, and Kate inside the cottage. Jack was trying to contain the flu, but  towards the end, Martin catches Jack’s disease, and as a result of the Argomonto Flu, Jack dies a slow and painful death. Furious, Kate refuses to listen to Jack’s last desperate plea: the military is lying about a cure for the flu via radio broadcast, and they will kill anyone, who tries to leave the island. Upset over her husband’s death, Kate decides to shoot and kill Jack.

But it’s not over yet! Kate prepares to leave the island. She loads her husband’s body into a life raft, and as she prepares to cast-off, a sniper from a helicopter shoots her in the forehead. Kate’s body falls next to Martin’s body, and the military helicopter flies away.

So Jack told a bunch of lies, giving Kate a legit reason not to trust him. But he tells one major truth at the end, Kate kills him, and moments later, Kate is executed by the military! Ugh, such a shocking and gut-wrenching ending.

Retreat is a solid thriller. I enjoyed the “can we trust him?” game of cat-and-mouse between Martin, Kate, and Jack, and the shocking twists at the end were just great. Others will probably see an irritating thriller, that features a lunatic screaming about the end of the world, while torturing an instant married couple. Either way, I don’t think you’ll have any middle ground, when you decide to grade the quality of Retreat.

Final Rating: 7/10