The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) (2011)

**This review contains spoilers**

After developing an obsession for Tom Six’s The Human Centipede (First Sequence), Martin Lomax (Laurence R. Harvey) decides to build his own human centipede. Still living at home with his mother in London, overweight, suffering from asthma, and working as a security guard in a parking garage, Martin is a disturbed man, who suppresses a past of sexual abuse by his jailed father.

With a centipede as his pet, Martin decides to make his dream a reality by acquiring a warehouse (after he kills the seller), and kidnapping victims in the parking garage and his apartment complex to construct his own human centipede with twelve people. Martin shows no mercy, as he kidnaps a pregnant woman, a couple with a baby, and a rowdy neighbor. Feeding his never ending obsession for the First Sequence, Martin plots to kidnap Ashlynn Yennie, and use her as the lead piece for his centipede. Through careful planning and timing, Martin convinces Yennie’s talent agency to lure her into his clutches with the promise of an audition for a Quentin Tarantino movie.

With no medical training, Martin pieces together his crude twelve person human centipede, but Martin runs into unexpected problems after he puts the finishing touches on his gruesome final product……

You’ll probably hate or love The Human Centipede 2, but one thing’s for sure, you won’t forget Martin. Harvey’s physical appearance is enough to make your skin crawl, and the character is one sick freak. He lives alone with a mother, who hates him, and she blames her husband’s imprisonment on him. Martin literally defecates in his own bed, he never speaks one word throughout the movie (just a lot of squealing, grunting, and yelling). Well, he sort of speaks, when he whispers something into someone else’s ear, but you don’t actually hear the dialogue. Martin abuses his genitals with random objects (using sandpaper, barbed wire, etc.), and he constantly tortures the victims in his centipede. Just to give you an example of how bad it is, Martin actually injects each victim in his centipede with a laxative, so he can watch them……well you know what happens next.

I mean, you would think Martin is someone you can feel sympathy for, because of his past, the verbal abuse from his mother, and his psychiatrist, Dr. Sebring (Bill Hutchens) constantly touches him inappropriately to try and lure Martin into a sexual relationship. But Martin is a cold-blooded murder, and he enjoys torturing the victims in his centipede, so any feelings of sympathy fly out of the window pretty quickly.

The rest of the cast is decent enough, but Six puts a lot of focus on Martin, and everyone around Martin is either killed off, put into the centipede, or they don’t receive a significant amount of dialogue.

The Human Centipede 2 is in all black and white 100% of the time, and Tom Six takes a darker approach to the sequel. Dr. Heiter was an evil mad doctor, but Martin is a sick and perverted freak, who will stop at nothing to achieve his goal, while following in the footsteps of his idol (Dr. Heiter the character). Martin is more disgusting, and he acts like a playful child, who walked into a toy store with a ticket for a shopping spree. The gore is more graphic, repulsive, and really, REALLY gruesome. You’ll see a lot of blood, and plenty of gross-out moments in Part 2, so if you have plans to watch this, don’t eat anything during the movie. Yeah, it’s that bad.

Tom Six goes out of his way to be more graphic and vulgar the second time around. The violence, the centipede, the dialogue, and the story. Everything is cranked up to maximum levels here. Six also “breaks the fourth wall” so to speak. Martin is inspired by The Human Centipede (First Sequence), and Ashlynn Yennie isn’t Jenny in the Full Sequence, she’s portrays herself, Ashlynn Yennie the actress. Tom Six’s wink to the fans of the first film provide some good “I remember that” moments, and Ashlynn recalling her experiences on the set of The Human Centipede to Martin during the drive to the “studio” was a cool behind the scenes moment. All in all, it’s a big contrast with The Human Centipede (First Sequence) using the tagline “100% medically accurate,” while the Full Sequence uses “100% medically inaccurate” as its tagline.

But you know what, the nasty and revolting gore overshadows and overwhelms everything in this film. The attempted social commentary, Martin’s backstory, character development, EVERYTHING. Yeah, I understand, Tom Six wanted to go out of his way to be more disgusting, and try his hardest to actually make you puke, but he sacrifices storytelling and a coherent sense of direction for the chances of you possibly picking up a barf bag, or running to the toilet.

The First Sequence had a suspenseful finale, but I can’t say the same thing about the Full Sequence. Towards the end, the victims find a way to tear themselves off of each other, because Martin actually uses duct tape, and regular staples to complete the mouth to anus attachments. Anyway, Martin flips out and starts shooting the victims, killing them. And when he runs out of bullets, he uses a knife to slit the remaining survivor’s throats. The pregnant woman is going into labor, as she runs away, and she actually gives birth while trying to drive a car. And on top of all that, Ashlynn uses a funnel to guide Martin’s pet centipede into his rectum.

Eh, okay. That’s all very gross, but it’s not suspenseful, or interesting to look at it. Problem is, Tom Six tries too hard to gross-out the audience throughout the movie, so by the time you reach the end, everything just feels kind of “meh.” A bad case of overkill, and the sloppy finale was a chore to sit through.  

I usually toss out this warning every now and then, but it holds more weight for the Full Sequence. If you’re the squeamish type, do not, I repeat DO NOT watch this movie. The Full Sequence is loaded with bloody and graphic gore, sickening torture, and a violent rape scene at the end. Need a visual for how bad everything is? Take a good look at the movie poster above. Now magnify the pic of The Human Centipede times ten. Then, imagine twelve fully nude human beings duct taped and stapled to each other mouth to anus, bleeding, sweating, and defecating at the same the time (the repugnant laxative scene).

As far as the rating goes, it’s kind of tricky for me. I’ve seen a lot of nasty stuff, but The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) is probably the most disgusting, disturbing, obscene, nasty, and depraved horror film I’ve ever seen. It’s funny, because Tom Six is already bragging about going to the next level with the gross stuff for The Human Centipede Part 3. I guess that’s my big problem with Full Sequence. Six sacrificed sensible direction and competent storytelling for the sake of topping all the weird and disgusting stuff in the first film, with the hopes of SHOCKING the audience, and grossing everybody out as much as possible. I can’t count the number of times I said “no, he‘s not going to….oh you gotta be kidding me, he actually did” out loud during the movie.

So yeah, in the end, the Full Sequence is torture porn personified. If you wants lots of blood, violent deaths, and nasty gore, the Full Sequence won’t disappoint you at all. But you’ll have a lot of trouble finding the plot, or a meaning behind the film after you dig through the chunks of flesh, splatters of blood, and dismembered carcasses. I’m sure I’ll never forget The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) for as long as I live, but for me, that‘s not enough to give Tom Six the proverbial pat on the back or thumbs up.

Rating: 1/10

Django Unchained (2012)

So after three years of waiting for his next film, I FINALLY watched Django Unchained last night.

As expected, the acting was just phenomenal, and Tarantino is a master of assembling the perfect cast. Jamie Foxx really nailed Django, and yes, he was believable as a bad ass. The whipping scars and his scruffy hair-do helped pull everything together, but Foxx really put his heart and soul into this character. Christoph Waltz's performance as Dr. King Schultz resembled Hans Landa from Inglorious Basterds. You know, the devious and sophisticated gentlemen with a nasty side. Of course, Schultz is one of the good guys here. And she doesn't speak too much, but Kerry Washington did a wonderful job of using her body language to express fear and anxiety through a series of facial expressions.

The Brittle Brothers and Big Daddy (Don Johnson) don't last long, but when their characters appear, Leo and Sam Jackson make up for the void of lost bad guys. Sam Jackson didn't just deliver his best performance in a Quentin Tarantino film, this is the best performance I've seen from him in any film. Stephen is the sniveling and loyal house for slave for Calvin Candie (Leo). He's they type of antagonist that you can hate and pity, and Stephen provides a few laughs every now and then.

And Leonardo DiCaprio was just fantastic as Calvin Candie. Candie is the merciless and powerful slave owner. Leo has a strong presence on screen, as this delightfully evil slave owner, and his intense and charismatic performance is so fun to watch. Plus, the woman, who plays Calvin's ditzy and snobbish sister (can't find her name) deserves some credit for the A+ cast of antagonists.

For me, Django was an upgrade over Inglorious Basterds. I won't put it up on the pedestal with Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs. It's in the pack with Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Jackie Brown, and that's not bad at all. Tarantino didn't revolutionize the Western genre with this film, but Django is an enjoyable revenge flick.

And now it's time for my major gripe with this film. I don't know about everyone else, but I hard time getting into the mentorship/training storyline with Django and Schultz. I understand the reasons behind Tarantino wanting to show Django's road to being a bad ass, but the initial storyline between Schultz and Django just drags and drags, and truth be told, it's very uninteresting at times. It wasn't unbearably bad, but Django Unchained doesn't kick into high gear until Candie and Stephen come into the picture.

Django Unchained is brutal, bloody, violent, funny, and Tarantino spares no expense for the hard to watch moments in this film. The dialogue is sharp, and the "we can't see anything through these masks!" scene with Jonah Hill, and Don Johnson is hilarious. And Tarantino's cameo is just priceless. Although, I wish I could've seen more of Walton Goggins, because he doesn't appear until the end.

Also, as far as the music goes, with the exception of "Ain't No Grave," and the opening Django theme, everything else was sub par. I'm not 100% certain, but I'm pretty sure I heard a Tupac song during the final shootout/Django's last stand, but it wasn't something to remember.

Final Rating: 9/10

EXTRA TIDBIT: After thinking it over for a day, I've come to conclusion that Django Unchained deserves a higher score, so I'm bumping it up one point! 

Catch .44 (2011)

In Louisiana, three women prepare for a drug heist. Tes (Malin Akerman), Dawn (Deborah Ann Woll), and Kara (Nikki Reed) work for Mel (Bruce Willis), a ruthless and powerful druglord. After botching a previous assignment, Mel gives his trusted associates one more chance: go to a diner out in the middle of nowhere, wait for the driver of a rival cartel, who’s carrying a large shipment of cocaine, hijack the truck, and bring the cocaine back to Mel.

Tes is the leader of the group, and she shares a trusted bond with Mel, Dawn just follows the blueprint for the plan without asking any questions, but Kara suspects something fishy. Dawn is able to play the role of a peacemaker after a heated argument between Tes and Kara, but the driver doesn’t show up, as Tes, Dawn, and Kara wait inside the diner.

Anxious and eager for answers, Tes decides to uncover the truth by drawing guns on the diner employees. During the standoff, Kara and Dawn are shot to death by a diner employee and a “truck driver,” but Tes emerges as the only survivor from Mel‘s group. Confused and devastated, Tes pressures Billy (Shea Whigham), the remaining diner employee, into telling her the truth, but Ronny‘s (Mel’s right hand man)   unexpected appearance complicates Tes’ life-or-death dilemma. Ronny (Forest Whitaker) tries to convince Tes and Billy to drop their guns, but they refuse. Ronny pulls out his gun, and he urges Tes to kill Billy. Tes hesitates, as Billy explains the trap Mel set up, but Tes will have to make up her mind before it’s too late. Who will she choose? Billy or Ronny?

Bruce Willis is believable, as the cold-hearted drug lord. Tes is the strongest female character in this film, and Malin Akerman’s performance is spot on. I couldn’t comprehend the reason behind his Spanish accent, but Forest Whitaker is entertaining as Ronny.

Acting isn’t the problem here, because the cast is rock solid. But the nonlinear storyline is very, very, very, VERY annoying. The storytelling for Catch .44 isn’t cool or stylistic, it’s just fucking irritating. For example, they replay the standoff scene at the diner over and over and over again. Yes, I get the whole “we want to show you everything from different points of view” ideology, but come on, I don’t need to see the same fucking scene four or  fives times.

Of course, if you make a crime drama with a nonlinear storyline now a days, you’re going to draw comparisons to Tarantino and Pulp Fiction (or Reservoir Dogs), it’s unavoidable. Was Aaron Harvey (the writer and director for this film) trying to mimic Tarantino’s style? Probably, because you can’t ignore the similarities, but if Harvey was trying to create a Tarantino-esque film, he failed. It’s that simple, and I can’t sugar coat it.

Also, the sidebar conversations and jokes in this film are TERRIBLE. The sidebar conversations aren’t funny, thought-provoking, or insightful, and they didn’t add anything to the story. Harvey opens Catch .44 with a pointless and unfunny conversation between Tes, Dawn, and Kara about leaving the toilet seat up and the rules of sex. Later on, Dawn tells this horribly corny joke about a priest, nuns, and the consequences for touching a man’s genitals. Maybe I just have a bad sense of humor, but I tired, and I still couldn’t laugh at this joke.   

It’s a damn shame, because Catch .44 had the right cast, and a decent enough premise, but the ass-backwards style of storytelling is too frustrating. Catch .44 features a few scenes of graphic bloody violence, and during the beginning, the “who done it?” mystery is intriguing, but overall, Harvey’s attempt at creating a clever crime drama falls flat.  

Final Rating: 2/10