31 (2016)(Minor Spoilers)

 

**This review contains MINOR spoilers**

The Story- On Halloween night in 1976, a group of carnival workers are ambushed and kidnapped. In a secret and undisclosed location, Charly (Sheri Moon Zombie), Roscoe (Jeff Daniel Phillips), Levon (Kevin Jackson), Panda (Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs), and Venus (Meg Foster) are all forced to play 31, a deadly game, where numbered contestants must survive a twelve hour period of fighting off attacks from violent clowns called Heads.

A group of aristocrats led by Father Napoleon-Horatio-Silas Murder (Malcolm McDowell) are the masterminds and organizers behind 31. The group is determined to fight back against the Heads, but the savagery takes another dark turn, when Doom-Head (Richard Brake) arrives….

My Thoughts- “I’M NOT CRAZY; I’M IN CONTROL!”

Doom-Head finally shows up towards the end, drastically decreasing the remaining survivor’s chances to escape the madhouse of horrors. Rob Zombie does a good job of building up Doom-Head as the final boss villain. The Heads/Clowns are all depraved nutcases, but it’s clear Doom-Head is the worst of the bunch. Doom-Head’s villainous aura starts with his appearance, including his dirty teeth. You get the feeling this guy hasn’t showered in weeks, and Doom-Head punching himself in the face until he bleeds to add red to the clown makeup was a nice touch. 

Richard Brake is fantastic. The unhinged facial expressions, the believable nasty mean streaks, and it’s easy to buy into the fact that Doom-Head is a man, who genuinely loves his job. Lighting up a cigar before he delivers the final blow, Doom-Head wants to savor every moment before a big kill. Doom-Head is eerily calm, while he taunts his victims, spouting off about his views of the world, his personality, and his victims, while he enjoys being the final voice you’ll ever hear.

Sheri Moon Zombie has a few moments as Charly, the free-spirited woman, who slowly emerges as one of the leaders and fierce fighters in the group. Charly truly cares about her friends, and she wants to do her best to make sure everyone makes out it alive. It’s a decent overall performance, and Rob Zombie created a character, where Sheri doesn’t have to go too far outside of her comfort zone.

The aristocrats are real sickos in this one, a rich and morally bankrupt family. They get a kick out of watching innocent people, people who are nothing more than peasants in their eyes, die in horrible and unimaginable ways. The presentation for the aristocrats is spot on. You can see there’s a noticeable effort to take things seriously with the costumes, the pasty white makeup, and they employ literal servants to wait on them. There’s also a more sinister twist for the aristocrats setup, where they gleefully watch brutal murders, and they actually gamble and bet on the outcomes of the game! Dastardly fiends through and through, no doubts about it. 

I always roll my eyes, when the game starts. Charly and the others are terrified of the little guy. Sick-Head (Pancho Moler) is cosplaying as a Nazi. I guess it’s supposed to be one of those scenarios, where the jokes write themselves, or silly humor that you’re not supposed to take too seriously, but Charly and the others could’ve easily overpowered Sick-Head. 

Visually, 31 is not as festive or detailed as other Halloween horror films, but it’s still one of my favorites. After the wacky stuff with Sick-Head, 31 slowly ramps up the brutal violence by introducing Heads/Clowns, who fill the roles for more serious threats, with everything leading to Doom-Head’s arrival. I don’t think I’ll ever understand Rob Zombie’s obsession, or the need to put characters, who resemble backwoods hillbillies in his movies. But Psycho-Head and Schizo-Head using their chainsaws to terrorize the group is one of the better fight sequences in the movie, and a highlight that truly stands out. 

Thirty-One is a twisted mix of zaniness and sadistic carnage, a horror film, where you’ll find yourself rooting for a group of close friends to fight back against the bloodthirsty maniacs. There’s plenty of blood and gore here, a fair amount of nudity, and the scene, where Roscoe and Panda are unknowingly feasting on the corpse of someone from the group? Yikes! Truly a good and shocking gross-out moment. 

A cast of colorful characters from top to bottom for 31. Jeff Daniel Phillips, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, and Kevin Jackson are all hilarious in their own ways, and Richard Brake easily takes the top spot for the best performance. The soundtrack is excellent. Any horror movie that uses California Dreamin’ usually gets a thumbs up from me, because there’s no denying the music and each song used throughout the movie is a perfect fit for certain moments and scenes here. 

The cliffhanger works, because it’s not necessarily the kind of cliffhanger that teases a sequel. No, it’s more of a case, where things are left up to the viewer to draw their own conclusions for what might’ve happened. Who won? Did Charly have enough gas left in her tank to fight back? My money is on Charly finding a way to come out on top. Remember, we’re talking about a woman, who just watched all of her friends suffer. She’s alone, she’s pissed, and Charly’s got nothing to lose! 

Rating- 7/10

31 (2016)

 

**This post contains spoilers**

The Story- On Halloween night in 1976, a group of carnival workers are ambushed and kidnapped. In a secret and undisclosed location, Charly (Sheri Moon Zombie), Roscoe (Jeff Daniel Phillips), Levon (Kevin Jackson), Panda (Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs), and Venus (Meg Foster) are all forced to play 31, a deadly game, where numbered contestants must survive a twelve hour period of fighting off attacks from violent clowns called Heads.

A group of aristocrats led by Father Napoleon-Horatio-Silas Murder (Malcolm McDowell) are the masterminds and organizers behind 31. The group is determined to fight back against the Heads, but the savagery takes another dark turn, when Doom-Head (Richard Brake) arrives….

My Thoughts- “I’M NOT CRAZY; I’M IN CONTROL!”

Doom-Head finally shows up towards the end, drastically decreasing the remaining survivor’s chances to escape the madhouse of horrors. Rob Zombie does a good job of building up Doom-Head as the final boss villain. The Heads/Clowns are all depraved nutcases, but it’s clear Doom-Head is the worst of the bunch. Doom-Head’s villainous aura starts with his appearance, including his dirty teeth. You get the feeling this guy hasn’t showered in weeks, and Doom-Head punching himself in the face until he bleeds to add red to the clown makeup was a nice touch. 

Richard Brake is fantastic. The unhinged facial expressions, the believable nasty mean streaks, and it’s easy to buy into the fact that Doom-Head is a man, who genuinely loves his job. Lighting up a cigar before he delivers the final blow, Doom-Head wants to savor every moment before a big kill. Doom-Head is eerily calm, while he taunts his victims, spouting off about his views of the world, his personality, and his victims, while he enjoys being the final voice you’ll ever hear.

Sheri Moon Zombie has a few moments as Charly, the free-spirited woman, who slowly emerges as one of the leaders and fierce fighters in the group. Charly truly cares about her friends, and she wants to do her best to make sure everyone makes out it alive. It’s a decent overall performance, and Rob Zombie created a character, where Sheri doesn’t have to go too far outside of her comfort zone.

Charly is the sole survivor! Not a big surprise, but I still loved the final face-off between Charly and Doom-Head. Doom-Head let his ego and his narcissism get the best of him. He got too wrapped up in delivering one of his big farewell speeches, the clock ran out, and going by the rules of the game, Charly won her freedom. Doom-Head was forced to let her go, but that didn’t stop him from following her. 

It’s a cool moment to close out the movie, with Dream On playing in the background, while a bloodied Charly is ready to fight during a stare down with Doom-Head. The home movies and the credits start rolling right before Charly moves towards Doom-Head. The cliffhanger for 31 works, because it’s believable that Doom-Head takes too much pride in his work to simply allow a target to walk away. On the other side of that, Charly becomes a more scrappy and gutsy fighter towards the end, so she’s ready to stand up to Doom-Head.

The aristocrats are real sickos in this one, a rich and morally bankrupt family. They get a kick out of watching innocent people, people who are nothing more than peasants in their eyes, die in horrible and unimaginable ways. The presentation for the aristocrats is spot on. You can see there’s a noticeable effort to take things seriously with the costumes, the pasty white makeup, and they employ literal servants to wait on them. There’s also a more sinister twist for the aristocrats setup, where they gleefully watch brutal murders, and they actually gamble and bet on the outcomes of the game! Dastardly fiends through and through, no doubts about it. 

I always roll my eyes, when the game starts. Charly and the others are terrified of the little guy. Sick-Head (Pancho Moler) is cosplaying as a Nazi. I guess it’s supposed to be one of those scenarios, where the jokes write themselves, or silly humor that you’re not supposed to take too seriously, but Charly and the others could’ve easily overpowered Sick-Head. 

Visually, 31 is not as festive or detailed as other Halloween horror films, but it’s still one of my favorites. After the wacky stuff with Sick-Head, 31 slowly ramps up the brutal violence by introducing Heads/Clowns, who fill the roles for more serious threats, with everything leading to Doom-Head’s arrival. I don’t think I’ll ever understand Rob Zombie’s obsession, or the need to put characters, who resemble backwoods hillbillies in his movies. But Psycho-Head and Schizo-Head using their chainsaws to terrorize the group is one of the better fight sequences in the movie, and a highlight that truly stands out. 

Thirty-One is a twisted mix of zaniness and sadistic carnage, a horror film, where you’ll find yourself rooting for a group of close friends to fight back against the bloodthirsty maniacs. There’s plenty of blood and gore here, a fair amount of nudity, and the scene, where Roscoe and Panda are unknowingly feasting on the corpse of someone from the group? Yikes! Truly a good and shocking gross-out moment. 

A cast of colorful characters from top to bottom for 31. Jeff Daniel Phillips, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, and Kevin Jackson are all hilarious in their own ways, and Richard Brake easily takes the top spot for the best performance. The soundtrack is excellent. Any horror movie that uses California Dreamin’ usually gets a thumbs up from me, because there’s no denying the music and each song used throughout the movie is a perfect fit for certain moments and scenes here. 

The cliffhanger works, because it’s not necessarily the kind of cliffhanger that teases a sequel. No, it’s more of a case, where things are left up to the viewer to draw their own conclusions for what might’ve happened. Who won? Did Charly have enough gas left in her tank to fight back? My money is on Charly finding a way to come out on top. Remember, we’re talking about a woman, who just watched all of her friends suffer. She’s alone, she’s pissed, and Charly’s got nothing to lose! 

Rating-7/10

Coming Attractions- Psycho Killer

 

Release Date- February 20, 2026

A creepy and unnerving trailer for Psycho Killer. Georgina Campbell’s Jane is obviously way in over her head. She’s chasing a sadistic killer, but she’s motivated by vengeance to catch the man, who murdered her husband in front of her.

The big question is, how far is Jane willing to go to stop the killer? She’ll have to go down a rabbit hole filled with evil and satanism, and I’m wondering if Jane has some kind of personal connection to the killer. Maybe there’s a specific reason why he chose her? Psycho Killer’s first trailer is fantastic. If we’re comparing vibes and similarities, it’s easy to point to Longlegs and Se7en for this one, and Gavin Polone’s directorial debut has all the makings of being something special. 

Silent Night (2012)

**This review contains spoilers**

It’s Christmas Eve, and a murderous Santa Claus is determined to punish everyone on his naughty list. A small town’s annual Christmas Eve parade is a joyous and peaceful tradition, but two local cops must stop Santa’s bloody rampage. Sheriff James Cooper (Malcolm McDowell) and his nervous Deputy, Aubrey (Jamie King) are the last line of defense. Will they be able to save what’s left of Christmas? Or will Santa eliminate each target on his hit list?

Jamie King. She easily delivers the best performance in this film. On the acting side of things, King really carries this film on her back, because Malcolm McDowell’s performance is just atrocious. And yes, McDowell’s performance is a problem, because he receives a significant amount of screen time. McDowell just phones it in here, and to make things worse, his character is an annoying asshole.

Now let’s talk about Santa. He’s a raging lunatic, and more importantly, Santa has an intimidating presence in the remake. Robert Brian Wilson (the Santa in the original) wasn’t intimidating or scary. In fact, he was kind of goofy at times. But 2012 Santa is a cold-blooded killer, and  the dark eyes on the mask really pull everything together.

Plus, Santa has a larger arsenal of weapons this time around. You can see the flamethrower on the box cover, and Santa also uses a stun gun and a poker. And of course, for the sake of nostalgia, Santa will break out the axe every now and then.

The Silent Night remake is more serious than the original. The 1984 original was very campy and cheesy, but Silent Night 2012 is darker. But the fan base for Silent Night, Deadly Night constantly over hypes that film. Let’s be honest, Silent Night, Deadly Night isn’t remembered for being a quality film. The controversy surrounding the 1984 release caused the uproar. Remember, watching Santa murder people crossed too many lines in 1984, and Silent Night, Deadly Night was pulled from theaters. Angry mothers protested, and the critics went out of their way to condemn it. So in the end, the original is remembered for creating unreal amounts of controversy, because quality wise, it’s an average film at best. Hell, take away the Christmas theme, and it’s just another cheesy and over the top slasher from the 80’s. 

All in all, Silent Night is a respectable remake, but it’s not good enough to stand out amongst other modern-day slasher flicks, that feature tons of blood and nudity. I enjoyed this film, but horror remakes based on campy 80’s originals share this annoying trend. For some strange reason, the filmmakers try so hard to make a more serious movie. If we distance ourselves from the campy stuff in the original, we’ll make a better film. This seems to be the thought process. But if you’re going to fall into the bin with so many other predictable and ordinary modern-day slashers, then what’s the point of changing?

So yeah, if you’re into Christmas horror, and a psychopathic Santa Claus murderer, then Silent Night is worth watching. There’s a nice cliffhanger at the end, and the cliffhanger sets up a sequel. I would give another set of Silent Night films a chance, but nothing is guaranteed so far. But if it does happen, Jamie King NEEDS to come back. Fuck Malcolm McDowell.

Final Rating: 6/10