Sharknado (2013)(Minor Spoilers Review)

**This review contains MINOR spoilers, no character deaths, plot twists, or major reveals**

During a deadly hurricane, thousands and thousands of sharks are sucked out of the ocean. Eventually, the sharks are thrust into the mainland, using the beaches of Los Angeles as their feeding ground.

Legendary surfer and restaurant owner, Finaly (or “Fin”) Shepard (Ian Ziering) is accompanied by his best friend, Baz (Jaason Simmons), Nova (Cassie Scerbo), a waitress, who works at Fin’s restaurant, and George (John Heard), a regualr at the bar portion of Fin’s restaurant. With limited options in front of them, Fin and the group take a risky trip through the flooded and shark infested streets of Los Angeles.

Determined to save his family, Fin embarks on a rescue mission to save his ex-wife, April (Tara Reid), his daughter Claudia (Aubrey Peeples), and his son, Matt (Chuck Hittinger). At April’s house, Fin’s problems with April’s new boyfriend, Colin (Christopher Wolfe) cause some awkward tension, but Fin and the remaining survivors focus their attentions on a bigger problem: the sharks are fusing with numerous deadly tornados throughout Los Angeles to create the ultimate weapons of destruction……

The cast? A lot of forgettable and awful performances here. Wolfe sounds like he’s reading his lines from cue cards, performance wise and character wise, Simmons is a third wheel, and Scerbo is just eye candy. Tara Reid, John Heard, and Ian Ziering share one familiar trait: they’re the most recognizable names and faces from this cast. Unfortunately,  their performances aren’t good (or decent) enough to elevate the quality of this cast. Heard is this unfunny town drunk, Reid is apathetic as the bitter ex-wife, and Ziering is not believable at all as this courageous leader/hero, with a famous past.

Don’t over think anything in Sharknado. Otherwise, you’ll have a pretty bad headache after you’re done with the movie. You could probably write a series of thick books for the “How is that possible?” moments in Sharknado in different volumes. Trust me, don’t use logic for this film, because your head will explode, quickly.


Look, I understand what Sharknado was trying to accomplish. They wanted to make a silly and stupid B-movie. Still, Sharknado shouldn’t get a free pass for poor acting quality, shoddy editing (a prime example is the choppy editing for the scene at the beginning, where Fin and Baz are trying to escape on a jet ski…awful), and amateur directing.

Sharknado was trying to make an epic failure of a movie that’s fun to mock, and I’m sorry, but this approach didn’t click with me for the most part. Sharknado isn’t a “It’s so bad it’s so good” movie. It’s just a bad movie. Again, I get the point of the B-movie approach, but that’s not a valid excuse for laziness in the writing department. You have to expect plot holes and inconsistencies in a film called Sharknado, but you could tell they mailed it in as the story progressed, and it felt like the writers we’re making stuff up along the way.

Yeah, I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t chuckle at Sharknado a few times. Fin ripping sharks apart with a chainsaw, and Nova running around and blowing holes in sharks with a big shotgun are a few good examples of some funny Sharknado moments. If you’re looking for lots of blood and gore, Sharknado should satisfy the gore hounds. And Sharknado throws out the expected Shark Week reference in the early stages of the film.

Still, Sharknado is a lackluster effort for “stupid fun” films. Sorry, but I’m not giving Sharknado the “Oh, who cares! It’s a B-movie!” low standards pass. I can see why other people fell in love with this film, and the announcement of a sequel doesn’t surprise me. But Sharknado has one too many legit problems to ignore for my taste, and at times, Sharknado was a chore to sit through.

Rating: 2/10

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Sharknado (2013)(Spoiler Review)

**This review contains spoilers**

During a deadly hurricane, thousands and thousands of sharks are sucked out of the ocean. Eventually, the sharks are thrust into the mainland, using the beaches of Los Angeles as their feeding ground. Finlay (or “Fin”) Shepard (Ian Ziering) is a legendary surfer, and he’s the owner of a popular restaurant on the beach.

Fin is determined to save his ex-wife April (Tara Reid) and his daughter Claudia (Aubrey Peeples), and his friends tag along for the rescue mission. Fin’s best friend, Baz (Jaason Simmons), George (John Heard), a regular at the bar portion of Nick‘s restaurant, and Nova (Cassie Scerbo), a waitress, who works for Fin, take a deadly trip with Fin through the flooded and shark infested streets of Los Angeles.

At April’s house, Fin has an uncomfortable encounter with April’s new boyfriend, Colin (Christopher Wolfe), but Fin and the remaining survivors have bigger problems to worry about. Fin and April’s only son, Matt (Chuck Hittinger) is stranded at a flying school with no means of safe transportation, and the sharks are able to attack different parts of the city faster, after numerous tornados engulf the sharks. Fin and the rest of the group are forced to fight off the lethal shark tornados, as the tornados catapult the sharks into LA, but Matt is running out of time and options…..

The cast? A lot of forgettable and awful performances here. Wolfe sounds like he’s reading his lines from cue cards, performance wise and character wise, Simmons is a third wheel, and Scerbo is just eye candy. Tara Reid, John Heard, and Ian Ziering share one familiar trait: they’re the most recognizable names and faces from this cast. Unfortunately,  their performances aren’t good (or decent) enough to elevate the quality of this cast. Heard is this unfunny town drunk, Reid is apathetic as the bitter ex-wife, and Ziering is not believable at all as this courageous leader/hero, with a famous past.

Don’t over think anything in Sharknado. Otherwise, you’ll have a pretty bad headache after you’re done with the movie. You’ll wonder how a helicopter is able to fly so close to a powerful tornado, stay in one solid piece, and how the helicopter didn’t instantly crash to the ground. You’ll wonder how a shark can swallow a man (Fin) whole, and somehow, that person is able to cut a hole in the shark’s body to escape afterwards. And you’ll wonder how a car is able to function after driving through a flooded city with deep, DEEP pools of water everywhere for so long.

Look, I understand what Sharknado was trying to accomplish. They wanted to make a silly and stupid B-movie. Still, Sharknado shouldn’t get a free pass for poor acting quality, shoddy editing (a prime example is the choppy editing for the scene at the beginning, where Fin and Baz are trying to escape on a jet ski…awful), and amateur directing.

Sharknado was trying to make an epic failure of a movie that’s fun to mock, and I’m sorry, but this approach didn’t click with me for the most part. Sharknado isn’t a “It’s so bad it’s so good” movie. It’s just a bad movie. Again, I get the point of the B-movie approach, but that’s not a valid excuse for laziness in the writing department. You have to expect plot holes and inconsistencies in a film called Sharknado, but you could tell they mailed it in as the story progressed, and it felt like the writers we’re making stuff up along the way.

Yeah, I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t chuckle at Sharknado a few times. Fin ripping sharks apart with a chainsaw, and Nova running around and blowing holes in sharks with a big shotgun are a few good examples of some funny Sharknado moments. If you’re looking for lots of blood and gore, Sharknado should satisfy the gore hounds. And Sharknado throws out the expected Shark Week reference in the early stages of the film.

Still, Sharknado is a lackluster effort for “stupid fun” films. Sorry, but I’m not giving Sharknado the “Oh, who cares! It’s a B-movie!” low standards pass. I can see why other people fell in love with this film, and the announcement of a sequel doesn’t surprise me. But Sharknado has one too many legit problems to ignore for my taste, and at times, Sharknado was a chore to sit through.

Rating: 2/10

Looking for a change from Batman, Spider-Man, and Iron Man? Then get know the world's newest superheroine Freechelle Fantabulous for only $0.99 by following the link- http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EFLI6VK

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Shark Night 3D(2011)(Minor Spoilers Review)

**This review contains MINOR spoilers, no character deaths, plot twists, or major reveals**

Nick (Dustin Milligan) is reluctant to accept an invitation for a vacation weekend, but Malik (Sinqua Walls) convinces Nick to change is mind. Taking a break from a heavy work load as students at Tulane University, Nick, Blake (Chris Zylka), Beth (Katharine McPhee), Gordon (Joel David Moore), Malik, and his girlfriend, Maya (Alyssa Diaz) visit Sara’s (Sara Paxton) vacation home in the Louisiana Gulf.

Along the way, Sara is forced to defuse a tense situation involving two locals named Red (Joshua Leonard) and Dennis (Chris Carmack) during a confrontation between Malik and Maya. Sheriff Sabin (Donal Logue) takes a trip down memory lane with Sara, and everything is quiet and peaceful at first. But a weekend of harmless fun takes a horrifying turn for the worst, when the group discovers sharks in the water……..

Looking for a set of refreshing characters? Well, you should look somewhere else, because you won’t find them in Shark Night. Nick is the shy nerd, who’s trying to pursue the hot and innocent blonde (Sara). Malik is the tough guy jock, Blake is the egotistical pretty boy, Gordon is the geek, who’s suppose to provide comic relief, and Beth is the promiscuous female in the group, who’s covered in tattoos. The characters in Shark Night are horribly generic, but at the same time, Paxton is the only one, who delivers an above average or mediocre performance.

The PG-13 rating caused a lot of complaints for Shark Night, because a lot of people believed (and still believe) a PG-13 environment restricted the gory stuff too much. Well, yeah I guess you could say Shark Night is tamed as far as blood and violence goes, but it’s not a big problem for me.

Although, we live in an age of  bloodthirsty horror fans now a days. The VAST majority of modern R rated horror films are loaded with bloody and disgusting gore, with dismembered body parts and chunks of flesh flying every where. I’m not trying to point any fingers, because I’m a gore fiend (and proud of it), but at the same time, I can still enjoy a horror film without gallons of blood and heads rolling every where. Plus, I can guarantee you most of the people (moviegoers and critics) complaining about the lack of blood and gore in this film are the same people, who would raise hell, if Shark Night was another senseless gore fest, using the “we’ve all seen this before” complaint. Yeah.

Shark Night 3D has enough stupid fun to satisfy the crowd that’s looking for a mindless joy ride. Making a smart horror film isn’t the goal here, because Shark Night takes an unrestrained approach to silliness and sporadic scenes of over the top mayhem. The lack of repulsive gore and blood will bother some horror fans, but Shark Night delivers a few jaw-dropping moments. Whether you hate it or love it, Shark Night 3D is gurranted to pull some “I can’t believe they just did that!” unintentional laughs out of you, and this one earned a spot on my list of guilty pleasures.

Rating: 5/10

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Shark Night 3D(2011)(Spoiler Review)

**This review contains spoilers**


After a three year hiatus, Sara (Sara Paxton) returns to her family’s vacation home in the Louisiana Gulf with six friends for a weekend of fun. Taking a break from the heavy workload at Tulane University, Nick (Dustin Milligan), Beth (Katharine McPhee), Gordon (Joel David Moore), Blake (Chris Zylka), Malik (Sinqua Walls), and his girlfriend, Maya (Alyssa Diaz) join Sara, but at the local convenience store, Malik has a tense confrontation with Sara’s old boyfriend, Dennis (Chris Carmack). Dennis’ best friend, Red (Joshua Leonard)  tries to goad Malik into a fist fight, but Sara is able to defuse the tension.

At the lake house, Sheriff Sabin (Donal Logue) takes a trip down memory lane with Sara, but a peaceful day of fun takes a horrifying turn for the worst during a near fatal shark attack involving Malik. With no cell phone reception, Nick uses his limited knowledge as a pre-med student to stabilize Malik. Nick, Malik, Maya, and Sara take a risky boat ride to the mainland through shark infested waters for one last chance to save Malik before he bleeds to death, but a shark jeopardizes the rescue mission, as Malik’s bloods drips into the water……

Looking for a set of refreshing characters? Well, you should look somewhere else, because you won’t find them in Shark Night. Nick is the shy nerd, who’s trying to pursue the hot and innocent blonde (Sara). Malik is the tough guy jock, Blake is the egotistical pretty boy, Gordon is the geek, who’s suppose to provide comic relief, and Beth is the promiscuous female in the group, who’s covered in tattoos. The characters in Shark Night are horribly generic, but at the same time, Paxton is the only one, who delivers an above average or mediocre performance.

Shark Night 3D‘s story is straightforward for the most part, but you’ll see a few surprises during the final moments of the movie. So Beth and Gordon take a trip to the mainland to get some help for Malik (who’s bleeding to death from a severed arm). Beth is freaking out from the sharks, and Gordon doesn’t want Beth to be alone, so Gordon accompanies Beth on the boat ride with Dennis and Red. Here, it’s revealed Dennis and Red released the different species of sharks into the water to film real life shark attacks for an underground reality show.

Sheriff Sabin and Carl (the cashier/clerk at the convenience store) work with Dennis and Red to capture and trap helpless victims (usually college kids), so they can film their deaths from shark attacks on camera. Dennis, still bitter and seeking revenge for an accident caused by Sara during their teenage years, plans to torture Sara to death by locking her in a cage, and dumping a bucket of blood in the water for a hungry shark. Long story short, Sara ran into Dennis’ face with a jet ski years ago, and she was too ashamed to visit Dennis in the hospital during his recovery.

The Sheriff Sabin twist? Yeah, it’s genuinely shocking, and Sabin breaks the fourth wall by mentioning Shark Week and Faces Of Death as sources of inspiration. The twist with Dennis and Red as bad guys? Eh, not so much. Red is so CREEPY, and Dennis is just too shady throughout the film. The reveals for both characters aren’t shocking at all, because a. both characters are too unlikable and b. the foreshadowing is way too obvious.

The PG-13 rating caused a lot of complaints for Shark Night, because a lot of people believed (and still believe) a PG-13 environment restricted the gory stuff too much. Well, yeah I guess you could say Shark Night is tamed as far as blood and violence goes, but it’s not a big problem for me. The trick of using a lot of  blood to fill the waters after and during shark attacks will annoy most people, but Malik’s mangled arm? Yikes. It’s a pretty nasty sight to look at, so Shark Night has enough decency to throw the gore fiends one bone.

Although, we live in an age of  bloodthirsty horror fans now a days. The VAST majority of modern R rated horror films are loaded with bloody and disgusting gore, with dismembered body parts and chunks of flesh flying every where. I’m not trying to point any fingers, because I’m a gore fiend (and proud of it), but at the same time, I can still enjoy a horror film without gallons of blood and heads rolling every where. Plus, I can guarantee you most of the people (moviegoers and critics) complaining about the lack of blood and gore in this film are the same people, who would raise hell, if Shark Night was another senseless gore fest, using the “we’ve all seen this before” complaint. Yeah.

Shark Night 3D has enough stupid fun to satisfy the crowd that’s looking for a mindless joy ride. Making a smart horror film isn’t the goal here, because Shark Night takes an unrestrained approach to silliness and sporadic scenes of over the top mayhem. The lack of repulsive gore and blood will bother some horror fans, but Shark Night delivers a few jaw-dropping moments. Blake’s death is a good example. He’s riding on the jet ski, and out of nowhere, this great white shark jumps out the water, and the shark devours half of Blake’s body. Whether you hate it or love it, Shark Night 3D is gurranted to pull some “I can’t believe they just did that!” unintentional laughs out of you, and this one earned a spot on my list of guilty pleasures.

Rating: 5/10

Looking for a change from Batman, Spider-Man, and Iron Man? Then get know the world's newest superheroine Freechelle Fantabulous for only $0.99 by following the link- http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EFLI6VK

Or take a trip into world of madness that includes comedy, horror, and the supernatural in my book of short stories, also only $0.99-  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EFMYZ0U

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Bait/Bait 3D (2012) (Spoiler Review)

**This review contains spoilers**

On an Australian beach one day, a lifeguard named Rory (Richard Brancatisano) is out in the water, unaware of an impending shark attack. Meanwhile, Rory’s best friend and fellow lifeguard, Josh (Xavier Samuel) is on the beach with his new fiancé and Rory’s sister, Tina (Sharni Vinson). As the shark devours the first victim, Josh tries to save Rory before it’s too late. Using a jet ski, Josh is able to speed through the calamity in the water, but Rory is mangled to death by the shark before Josh has a chance to save him.

After a year passes, Josh, too traumatized to work as a lifeguard anymore, settles for a job at a local supermarket. Depressed and unable to forget about the past, Josh sees a chance to start over, when Tina strolls into the supermarket one day with her new friend, Steven (Qi Yuwu). But Josh doesn’t have time to reconnect, because his boss and the store manager, Jessup (Adrian Pang) interrupts the happy moment.

Meanwhile, in the same supermarket, Jaimie (Phoebe Tonkin) jeopardizes her boyfriend, Ryan’s (Alex Russell) job, when she’s caught shoplifting by the supermarket’s security guard and Jessup. Jaime is lucky enough to have her father Todd (Martin Sacks), who is also a police officer, receive the call for an arrest, but Todd decides to give his daughter a slap on the wrist instead. In the parking garage, Doyle (Julian McMahon) and Kirby (Dan Wyllie) plan a robbery to steal all the cash from the safe inside Jessup’s office, but Todd is able to foil the robbery. In the same parking garage, Kyle (Lincoln Lewis) pushes his girlfriend, Heather (Cariba Heine) to fool around in their BMW. And unbeknownst to Kyle and Heather, Ryan is in the garage working on his hippie van.

Out of nowhere, a giant tsunami wave destroys most of the city, while flooding the supermarket. To make matters worse, two twelve foot Great White Sharks swim into the chaos, with one circling the parking garage, and the other lurking inside the flooded supermarket. With a severely injured Todd unable to walk, the surviving group includes Josh, Tina, Steven, Jaimie, Doyle, Kirby, Jessup, and others with Ryan, Kyle, and Heather stranded in the parking garage. Josh assumes the role of leader, but he’ll have to overcome his fear of sharks, and some bitter feelings towards Tina to survive and ensure the safety of the group.

Weird, weird cast here. On one hand, you have Vinson, Samuel, McMahon, Tonkin, and Sacks, who all deliver decent to solid performances, with Vinson providing the best overall performance in the cast. But on the flip-side, you have so many terrible and mediocre performances to drag the movie down, with Pang being one of the worst.

And on top of that, the bad side of the cast has one too many unlikable and annoying characters. Heather is a run-of-the-mill narcissistic, whiny, and materialistic girlfriend, who shows too much concern for protecting her little dog, Bully. Kyle is a meathead jock/douchebag, Jessup is the overbearing boss, and Kirby is the sleazy thief/wannabe tough guy. As far as Rory goes, yeah his character is important, but it’s not fair to judge Brancatisano’s performance, because his character completely disappears after the shark attack.

Bait includes every typical and clichéd character you can think of in a horror survival film, where the main characters are barricaded inside a seemingly inescapable death trap:

-The uncooperative whiner (Jessup), who complains about everything.

-The one selfish person (kirby), who does something to jeopardize the safety of the group, so they can have a better chance of saving their own ass.

-The one person, who goes off on his own to fix a problem (in this case it’s Steven cutting off the power, so broken and live cables won’t hit the water), and of course, something goes wrong, and Steven dies.

-The tough and resourceful hard ass (Doyle), who miraculously pieces together some random contraption to save the day. Or he’s the guy, who comes up with most of (if not all of) the plans.

-The brave hero (Josh), who constantly risks his life to save everyone, while assuming the role of leader in the group

-And of course, you have someone, who’s suffering from a serious injury (Todd). But they don’t want to hold the team back, so they try to contribute, but they can’t……and in the grand scheme of things, Todd is still the weak link in the team.

Predictability is a big problem for Bait. You can see everything coming, and it’s not hard to predict every event in the entire movie step by step after the opening scene. You knew Jaimie would eventually change her attitude, and do something brave and selfless to prove to her father she’s capable of changing, and she did (Jaime jumps into the water to lure a shark towards her, giving Josh and the others time to set up a trap). You could see Steven’s death coming, Josh and Tina trusting each other again and becoming a couple didn’t surprise me, and for being such jerks, you knew Kirby, Kyle, and Jessup would suffer horrible, agonizing deaths, and they did.

But I’ll give Bait credit for a few eye-catching images. The next to final shot of the movie shows Josh and Tina holding hands, while they’re standing together with the other remaining survivors, and looking on in horror at the devastation the tsunami caused. Watching this one shot, you really feel the sense of relief for the survivors fighting and struggling to overcome more than one close call. Also, the final shot of the movie shows a shark randomly jumping out of the water to devour a flying seagull for a “it’s not over yet” cliffhanger. All of my complaints aside, it was a nice way to close out the movie.

And to be fair, Bait never tries to be too complex, and making a smart horror film wasn‘t the goal here. Bait should give gore fiends everything they want and more, and for a low budget film, the special effects aren’t that bad. In the end, Bait provides enough bloody carnage and gruesome, gory deaths to warrant a guilty pleasure pass. So yeah, if you’re looking for some passable dumb fun, and if you’re into shark attack horror movies, Bait is worth a try.

Rating: 5/10

Looking for a change from Batman, Spider-Man, and Iron Man? Then get know the world's newest superheroine Freechelle Fantabulous for only $0.99 by following the link- http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EFLI6VK

Or take a trip into world of madness that includes comedy, horror, and the supernatural in my book of short stories, also only $0.99-  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EFMYZ0U

Follow me on Twitter here- https://twitter.com/LQuigleyFan1

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Bait/Bait 3D (2012) (Minor Spoiler Review)

**This review contains MINOR spoilers**

At a supermarket in Australia, a small band of survivors are trapped inside a flooded supermarket after a giant tsunami wave destroys the city. The surviving group including, Tina (Sharni Vinson), Josh (Xavier Samuel), Doyle (Julian McMahon), Todd (Martin Sacks), Steven (Qi Yuwu), Jaimie (Phoebe Tonkin), Ryan (Alex Russell), Jessup (Adrian Pang), Kirby (Dan Wyllie), and others will have to put aside their differences and work together to survive.

In the parking garage, Kyle (Lincoln Lewis) and Heather (Cariba Heine) try to use their BMW as shelter, but they’re forced to find another way out after the windows crack. Both groups are caught up in bickering and finger pointing, but a bigger problem emerges, when two twelve foot Great White Sharks swim into the supermarket and parking garage.

Weird, weird cast here. On one hand, you have Vinson, Samuel, McMahon, Tonkin, and Sacks, who all deliver decent to solid performances, with Vinson providing the best overall performance in the cast. But on the flip-side, you have so many terrible and mediocre performances to drag the movie down, with Pang being one of the worst. And on top of that, the bad side of the cast has one too many unlikable and annoying characters.

Bait includes every typical and clichéd character you can think of in a horror survival film, where the main characters are barricaded inside a seemingly inescapable death trap:

-The uncooperative whiner, who complains about everything.

-The one selfish person, who does something to jeopardize the safety of the group, so they can have a better chance of saving their own ass.

-The one person, who goes off on his own to fix a problem (in this case it’s cutting off the power, so broken and live cables won’t hit the water), and of course, something goes wrong, and that person dies.

-The tough and resourceful hard ass, who miraculously pieces together some random contraption to save the day. Or he’s the guy, who comes up with most of (if not all of) the plans.

-The brave hero, who constantly risks his life to save everyone, while assuming the role of leader in the group

-And of course, you have someone, who’s suffering from a serious injury. But they don’t want to hold the team back, so they try to contribute, but they can’t……and in the grand scheme of things, they’re still the weak link in the team.

Predictability is a big problem for Bait. You can see everything coming, and it’s not hard to predict every event in the entire movie step by step after the opening scene. But to be fair, Bait never tries to be too complex, and making a smart horror film wasn‘t the goal here. Bait should give gore fiends everything they want and more, and for a low budget film, the special effects aren’t that bad. In the end, Bait provides enough bloody carnage and gruesome, gory deaths to warrant a guilty pleasure pass. So yeah, if you’re looking for some passable dumb fun, and if you’re into shark attack horror movies, Bait is worth a try.

Rating: 5/10

Looking for a change from Batman, Spider-Man, and Iron Man? Then get know the world's newest superheroine Freechelle Fantabulous for only $0.99 by following the link- http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EFLI6VK

Or take a trip into world of madness that includes comedy, horror, and the supernatural in my book of short stories, also only $0.99-  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EFMYZ0U

Follow me on Twitter here- https://twitter.com/LQuigleyFan1

And don't forget to like both of my Facebook pages, because the Mitch MacReady 2 Facebook page includes quotes from both ebooks that can't fit into Tweets-

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Dark Tide (2012)

**This review contains spoilers**

Kate Mathieson (Halle Berry) enjoys her life, as a highly skilled marine biologist and diver. Kate earned a well respected reputation as the “shark whisperer” during her swimming adventures with Great White Sharks, but during a routine dive, Kate makes a fatal mistake. Her incorrect command causes the death of a friend and fellow diver, and Kate can’t escape the guilt of this tragic accident.

One year later, Kate is trying to move on, and pick up the broken pieces in her life. Kate is the owner of boat tour service in Cape Town, South Africa, but Kate can’t handle the thought of dealing with sharks anymore. Instead, she gives tours for the more friendly sea creatures (seals, whales, dolphins, etc.), but past due bills are becoming a serious problem. Kate is desperate, broke, and down on her luck, but her husband/business partner could provide some much needed help. Jeff Mathieson (Oliver Martinez) has found a rich and cocky client, who is willing to spend a lot of money for a sea tour….but Brady Ross (Ralph Brown) wants to see sharks, and Kate‘s expert guidance is required. Brady is more than willing to take the risk, but Kate isn’t ready to deal with sharks again. She can’t escape the memories of the attack, and she continues to hold a grudge against Jeff, but Kate needs the money, so she agrees to do the tour. But the simple tour eventually takes a turn for the worst, and Kate will have to face her fears of sharks, because returning to the water becomes an inescapable life or death decision.

Boring. This is the one word I would use to describe Dark Tide. This was supposed to be a suspense/thriller, but trying to stay awake during this film was a real test. I almost fell asleep three of four times, because Dark Tide couldn’t provide any real suspense or thrills for me. John Stockwell’s horribly bland style of directing really hurt this film, and Dark Tide just goes through the motions the entire time. You can see everything coming from a mile away, and for me, Dark Tide didn’t provide an enjoyable ride to the end. Dark Tide has a runtime of one hour and fifty-four minutes, and you will feel every second of it, because this film just drags along, and the painful boredom caused too many facepalms for me. “OH GOD, WHEN WILL THIS END!?!?!” This is the one question I kept asking myself throughout this film, because the story for Dark Tide doesn’t feature a lot of depth. Nearly two hours was too much to handle, and they really didn’t need this much time to explain the shallow and thin story for Dark Tide.

For the most part, the acting is solid enough. Halle Berry, Oliver Martinez, and Ralph Brown provided the bulk of enjoyable performances. Berry wasn’t bad as the leading lady here, but she wasn’t the true star of this film. That honor goes to Ralph Brown. Brady was the rich, narcissistic, asshole, who loved to throw his weight around, and Brown’s performance was just excellent. Again, Berry wasn’t bad in the lead role, but she was upstaged by Ralph Brown here. There’s no doubt about it.

Also, I couldn’t buy into Kate’s struggle here. Kate was supposed to be this traumatized woman, who couldn’t let go of the past, and she couldn’t overcome her fear of sharks, but I couldn’t sense any sort of conflict in this character. Berry doesn’t show any strong emotions until the very end of the film. Considering the circumstances surrounding her character, I should’ve been able to feel strong feelings of sympathy towards Kate, but I couldn’t. Berry managed to deliver a solid performance, but at times, I couldn’t escape this “she’s just mailing it in” feeling.

And Kate’s unbelievably stupid decision towards the end did provide a jaw-dropping moment for me, but not for good reasons, though.

Okay, so Kate is terrified of sharks, and she can’t escape the guilt of causing someone else’s death. Well, we’re in the final moments of the film, and Brady has become a real jerk. He can’t smoke a cigarette to calm his nerves (Kate doesn’t allow smoking on her boat, but she doesn’t have a problem, when Jeff lights up a cigarette? Okay then.), and Kate won’t allow him to swim with the sharks. If Brady goes in the water, he MUST stay in a cage. This is Kate’s #1 rule. But Brady wants to be a rebel, and he continues to push Kate’s buttons. After Brady’s taunting and an intense argument with Jeff, Kate decides to take the crew (which includes Brady’s son, Luke) to a different location. The new location is FILLED with sharks, Kate has been pushed over the edge, and she wants to prove herself to Brady and Jeff.

Kate tries to showcase her new found courage, but the boat runs into a series of rough waves. Kate’s boat eventually flips over, and the hungry sharks begin to close in. Kate’s goofy and trusted friend (apparently, he’s in charge of safety on Kate’s boat, and no, I don‘t care to know his name.) loses his life during a shark attack. Brady tries to avoid one of the shark attacks, but he suffers one of the more gruesome deaths here. In the end, Kate, Jeff, and Luke (Luke Tyler) survive, and they’re able to find safe shelter inside a liferaft, as they await a much needed rescue mission.

So let me get this straight. At the beginning of the film, Kate is responsible for the death of a teammate. Then, towards the end of the film, she causes TWO more deaths? Really??? Yeah, I get it. Brady and Jeff pushed her over the edge, and she had to prove herself. But why would you lead an innocent group of people towards shark infested waters? You’re a marine biologist, who specializes in sharks. You know what could happen, and you know the incredible risk involved. Plus, you already survived an incident, that involved a death caused by a shark attack, and you STILL take everyone towards the sharks regardless? Unbelievable.

In the end, the Kate character didn’t learn anything, and she didn’t find any redemption. And how could she overcome her fears of sharks? After all, she did cause the deaths of two more people, and her stupid decision was the main the reason for their demise. The boredom was bad enough, and Dark Tide’s nonsensical screenplay just made everything worse.


Dark Tide is a dull and boring suspense thriller, that features too many long-drawn-out conversations/arguments, and I really didn’t care about any of the characters in this film. I couldn’t get into the story, and the ending really doesn’t make any sense at all. A few brutal and bloody shark attacks/kills towards the end did help this rating a little bit, and they did throw in somemoments of suspense at the end, but I can’t forget about the rest of the film. Dark Tide is just terrible, and this film deserves all of its harsh treatment. It’s a shame, because Dark Tide has a simple enough premise for an enjoyable suspense/thriller, but the screenplay and John Stockwell’s style of directing ruined this film.

Halle Berry is the same woman, who won the Oscar for Best Actress ten years ago, right? For years Berry relied on her sex appeal, but her good looks didn’t win the Oscar for Monster’s Ball. No. It was raw talent, and Berry did give an outstanding effort in Monster’s Ball. But when I take a look at Berry’s body of work, I‘m going to think of someone, who fits the profile of a “one hit wonder.” Her work in the 90’s is VERY forgettable, she has to be remembered as the most uninteresting Bond girl (Die Another Day), and she can’t take any credit for the first two X-Men films. After winning the Oscar for Monster’s Ball, Berry’s career sunk to embarrassing lows. She’s been caught in an awful downward spiral for years. This is an indisputable fact. Perfect Stranger and Catwoman were horrendous (especially Catwoman), and Things We Lost In The Fire was an unbearable piece of melodramatic trash. Also, having a part in New Year’s Eve didn’t help anything. Unlike the overwhelming majority of the critics, I actually enjoyed Gothika. It was an enjoyable horror flick, that featured an incredible and shocking twist, but one film isn’t enough.

Berry isn’t an awful actress. She’s solid enough, and she does look pretty good for a forty-five year old woman, but the vast majority of her career isn’t impressive at all. She’s starred in so many bad films (can’t forget about B.A.P.S), and Catwoman is a potential career killer. Hell, Berry actually showed up to accept her Razzie Award for the Worst Actress in person. Actresses and actors accepting their Razzie Award in person is a very rare occurrence (for obvious reasons), and Berry willingly showing up to accept this award should tell you something about Catwoman. Catwoman was atrocious, and it’s hard to argue against Berry’s win for Worst Actress, but Dark Tide almost out ranks Catwoman for the #1 spot of worst films on Berry’s resume. Yeah, it’s that bad.

Final Rating: 1/10