Maximum Overdrive (1986)

**This review contains spoilers**

Earth is caught in the tail end of rogue comet Rhea-M, and machines suddenly come to life, and turn on their owners and makers by killing them. In Wilmington, North Carolina, those lucky enough to survive the attacks, barricade themselves inside the Dixie Boy truck stop.

Bubba Hendershot (Pat Hingle) is the ruthless and slimy boss at the Dixie Boy, who forces his newest employee and cook, Bill (Emilio Estevez), a recent parolee, to work hours off the clock to save money. And if Bill doesn’t comply with Hendershot’s secret policy for all parolees, Hendershot will do everything in his power to make Bill’s life a living hell. Deke (Holter Graham) arrives late at night for safety inside the Dixie Boy, but upon arrival, he learns about the death of his father, Duncan (J. C. Quinn), a Dixie Stop employee, who was killed earlier in the day by a speeding truck.

With help from his feisty new girlfriend and hitchhiker, Brett (Laura Harrington), Deke, the newlywed Curtis (John Short), a few of the truck drivers, customers, and Dixie Stop employees, Bill plans to fight the machines, and find a safe escape route for the remaining survivors. But temper tantrums from the lone waitress, Wanda (Ellen McElduff) cause some trouble. Connie (Yeardley Smith), Curtis’ new wife, doesn’t like the idea of her husband risking his life to fight the machines, and Bill will have to find a way to seize control of the weapons in Hendershot’s secret and illegal underground armory.

The big rigs form a continuous circle around the entrance to the Dixie Boy, blocking the survivors inside with the promise to run over anything that steps foot outside. The sleazy and perverted Bible salesmen, who gave Brett a ride is stuck in a muddy ditch after one of the trucks backed into him. Loman (Christopher Murney) screams for help in the ditch, until Curtis and Bill attempt a rescue mission. To further complicate the sticky situation, with a bulldozer for protection, a military vehicle armed with an M60 machine gun arrives one morning to make demands for the machines using morse code. Exhausted and beaten, Bill and the other survivors must help refuel the long line of vehicles outside the Dixie Boy.

Taking one last chance at an escape, Bill and the other survivors sneak out through a drainage pipe beneath the Dixie Boy one night, and head to the local marina to find a boat, and sail away from the chaos. But on their way to the marina, the survivors are followed by Handy’s (Frankie Faison) persistent truck with glowing red eyes in the middle of a custom-made Green Goblin face mounted on the grill.

Emilio Estevez was nominated for a Worst Actor Razzie, but I still enjoy his performance. Using the satire approach, Estevez plays the cocky rebel with a thick southern accent, and Laura Harrington’s Brett is a perfect match for the Bill character. Harrington is sassy and fearless, and the switchblade is a nice touch for her character. Hendershot might remind you of a slimy used car salesman, and Hingle is hilarious, when Hendershot decides to pick up the rocket launcher, and blow up anything in his path. And Joey (portrayed by Patrick Miller) is a nice fit for Hendershot’s most loyal employee and bumbling lackey, who lights Hendershot’s cigars with a simple demand.

I don’t think you’ll have any middle ground with Connie and Wanda. They’ll either annoy the shit out of you, or make you laugh throughout the whole movie, but I enjoy Yeardley Smith (“Curtis, don’t make me a widow on my wedding day!”) and Ellen McDuffie (“WE MADE YOU!”).  Oh, and for those of you, who don’t know, Yeardley Smith is the voice of Lisa Simpson. Although, it’s kind of hard to pick up on any similarities to Lisa, because Smith has a thick southern accent here.

Stephen King is the director, he came up with the short story (Trucks) this film is based on, and he has a brief cameo at the beginning (he’s the guy at the ATM, who almost throws a fit, when the ATM calls him an “asshole,” and the machine refuses to dispense cash). King’s directing style is a big target for a lot of the hateful criticisms directed towards Maximum Overdrive, and along with Emilio Estevez, King received a Razzie nomination for Worst Director. Well, truth be told, King has admitted he was “coked out of his mind” while directing Maximum Overdrive. But I don’t have a big problem with King’s directing. His style is bland and basic, but I wouldn’t call King’s work behind the camera clumsy or unfocused.  Bottom line, the complaints are overexaggerated, and I’ve never been able to understand the big outrage behind King’s directing for this film.

The AC/DC soundtrack is a perfect match for Maximum Overdrive. Every song just works, and more importantly, AC/DC’s music  fits within the context of the entire movie. A great “fight or die” soundtrack for survivors going up against a seemingly unstoppable enemy during an apocalyptic calamity. Good stuff.

Maximum Overdrive is a cheesy, over the top, and VERY campy horror comedy with the right amount of blood and gore. Not too extreme or nasty, just right. It’s mindless fun, and if you try and take this one too seriously, chances are you’ll hate Maximum Overdrive with a burning passion. Soda cans from a vending machine are used as projectiles to kill a baseball coach, trucks, that drive themselves are lethal weapons, and a drive-through menu tries to warn the other machines, as the survivors from the Dixie Boy hide for safety. Maximum Overdrive is suppose to be silly and over the top with a cast full of colorful comedy characters.

It’s not in my top ten of Stephen King film adaptations, but Maximum Overdrive ranks high on my list of favorite horror comedies, easily. It’s one of the few horror comedies I can watch over and over again without getting tired of it, and since I bought the DVD a while ago, I watch it at least once a month.

Rating: 6/10

Insidious (2011)

**This review contains spoilers**

When her oldest son, Dalton (Ty Simpkins) slips into a mysterious coma for three months, Renai Lambert (Rose Byrne) urges her husband, Josh (Patrick Wilson) to seek help outside of the medicinal circle. After experiencing a series of bizarre paranormal events at home, Renai pushes Josh to move out of their new house. But the evil presence follows the Lamberts, and Josh’s mother, Lorraine (Barbara Hershey) suspects the malevolent entities are targeting Dalton’s unconscious body.

With help from a family friend and experienced paranormal investigator named Elise (Lin Shaye), the Lamberts learn the truth about Dalton’s coma: unknowingly, Dalton used his ability of astral projection to wander into a dimension called The Further during his dreams. But Dalton wandered too far, and his spirit is being held captive by an evil demon in The Further. So it’s not the house (or houses) that’s haunted, Dalton is attracting the evil spirits and the one demon.

Dalton inherited his astral projection abilities from his father, and Elise helping the Lamberts is no coincidence. Lorraine explains Josh’s troubled childhood visions of a ghostly old woman in a wedding dress, who popped up in photos with Josh, inching closer to him after each picture. Lorraine went to Elise for help, so she could save Josh’s spirit.

As the evil demon prepares to take full control of Dalton’s body, Elise comes up with one final solution to save Dalton before it’s too late: Josh must use his astral projection abilities to travel to The Further to rescue Dalton from the demon, and any other spirits, who will try to possess his body.

Saw is a popular choice, but Insidious is my favorite horror film directed by James Wan. The well-placed and ear-splitting scores help, but Wan creates the perfect eerie and spooky atmosphere for Insidious. The jump scares are genuinely surprising, and unlike most mainstream PG-13 horror films, you won’t see them coming from a mile away, and they’re not easy to telegraph.

I love Insidious, but the third act still bothers me. Insidious does a great job of building the suspense to the finale…..and then you actually see the finale. I’m sorry, but the other-worldly garbage in this film just pisses me off. Insidious turns into to some sort of kooky and bizarre ghost film (reminds me of that AWFUL remake for The Fog) during Josh’s rescue mission, and the demon’s borderline cartoonish lair didn’t help anything. The third act feels out of place, it kills all the momentum, and truth be told, the third act almost ruins the movie for me.

Still, for the most part, Insidious is a spine-tingling horror film with a chilling haunting story, excellent tension, and a very solid cast. I still despise the third act, but when Josh returns to the real world, Insidious leaves you wanting more with a great cliffhanger. Usually, I’m skeptical about horror sequels, but James Wan is returning to direct Insidious Chapter II, so I have high hopes for the next Insidious film.

Rating: 9/10

The Last Stand (2013)

**This review contains spoilers**

After an elaborate escape from FBI custody, international drug lord Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega) makes a run for the small town of Sommerton Junction, Arizona with FBI agent Ellen Richards (Genesis Rodriguez) as his hostage. With the help of his lead henchman, Thomas (Peter Stormare) and his team of mercenaries, Cortez plans to use land space in Sommerton to build a secret bridge leading into Mexico.

After suspecting something fishy from Thomas and another one of Cortez’s men at the local diner, the town Sheriff Ray Owens (Arnold Schwarzenegger) orders his deputies to run a search on Thomas’ license plates. Deputy Jerry Bailey (Zach Gilford ) and Deputy Sarah Torrance (Jaimie Alexander) investigate the farm of a cranky old local, which also happens to be the building site for Cortez’s bridge, and the deputies find the dead body of the old man with a nasty gunshot wound to the head. Jerry is fatally wounded during a firefight with Thomas and his men, and Sheriff Owens vows to avenge Jerry’s death.

Refusing the orders of FBI agent John Bannister (Forest Whitaker), Sheriff Owens assembles his own team of deputies to take down Cortez, and foil Cortez’s attempted escape. With the help of Sarah and Deputy Mike Figuerola (Luis Guzman), Sheriff Owens deputizes the local gun nut, Lewis Dinkum (Johnny Knoxville), and Sarah’s jailed ex-boyfriend and Jerry’s best friend, Frank Martinez (Rodrigo Santoro). Out-numbered and out-classed in weaponry, Sheriff Owens will lead his team in the fight of their lives to stop Cortez, and honor Jerry’s memory.

I think it’s safe to say Arnold’s mystique as the “Action God” is gone. He’s not the same guy, who covered himself in mud, and fought the Predator. He’s not the same guy, who terrorized Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese, and he’s not the same guy, who challenged Benedict in Last Action Hero. Yeah, I thought The Last Stand did a good job of presenting Arnold as the aging and scrappy veteran, who won’t go down without a fight. Arnold really embraced the role, he was good for a few laughs, and the usual cheesy one-liners fit him like a glove (“I’m the Sheriff!” or “you fucked up my day off‘). But Arnold is not a believable bad ass anymore. Hell, I don’t even think it’s realistic to expect Terminator 3 Arnold now a days.

Unfortunately, Noriega’s character and perfromance fits into the mold of the usual “foreign bad guy with a thick accent" character (you can say the same thing about Peter Stormare), and Rodriguez is just eye candy as usual. A trio of decent performances from Forest Whitaker, Jaimie Alexander, Rodrigo Santoro, and you can give the credit for some great comic relief to Johnny Knoxville and Luis Guzman.

The Last Stand is good mindless fun for action junkies. Lots of impressive, jaw-dropping stunts, Arnold’s cheesy one-liners, bloody hardcore action, and the final one on one showdown between Owens and Cortez is predictable, but it’s still enjoyable. In more ways than one, Arnold isn’t the indestructible action machine anymore (and the box office flop for this movie proves that), but adjusting to the “old warhorse with something to prove” character isn‘t a big problem for me, and his cameos in The Expendables still bring out some good feelings of nostalgia.

Final Rating: 6/10

The Iceman (2013)

**This review contains spoilers**

When mafia boss Roy DeMeo (Ray Liotta) shuts down his porn dubbing business, Richard Kuklinski (Michael Shannon) loses his only job. But Roy decides to give Richard another chance with one test: Richard must murder a helpless homeless man in broad daylight. Richard uses Roy’s gun to prove himself, and shortly after the murder, Roy gives Richard a job as his personal hitman.

During his ruthless killing sprees, Kuklinski makes more than enough money to provide a comfortable life for his wife, Deborah (Winona Ryder) and his two daughters. But when Josh Rosenthal (David Schwimmer), one of Roy’s idiotic friends, double crosses two Cuban drug dealers by killing them, keeping the money, and stealing the cocaine, Roy orders Richard to lay low until the heat dies down. And Richard allowing a young girl, who witnessed one of his murders to go free (Kuklinski refuses to kill women and children) puts a strain and Richard’s business relationship with Roy. With pressure from Deborah, and a lack of money, Richard teams up with another hitman, who uses his job as an ice cream man for cover. Robert Pronge or “Mr. Freezy” (Chris Evans) puts Richard back in the game as free agent for different mafia families, going against Roy’s orders. Also, Mr. Freezy teaches Kuklinski the technique of freezing dead bodies to throw off the cops and detectives.

One of Mr. Freezy’s jobs involves murdering one of Roy’s trusted men at a night club, with plans to eventually kill Roy in the future. The lure of a big payday from mob boss Leo Marks (Robert Davi) convinces Richard to take the job, using a spray filled with cyanide to kill Roy’s associate by covering it up with a harmless sneeze. But Richard is spotted by an acquaintance at the club, and shortly after the hit, Richard is tied to the murder. Furious, Leo calls off the hit on Roy, and he refuses to pay Richard for the job, so Richard snaps, and kills Leo.

Richard receives a stern warning from Roy with Roy promising to go after Richard’s family if necessary, and Mr. Freezy urges Richard to lay low, but Richard kills him instead after he suspects Mr. Freezy gave away his home location to Roy and his enemies. Richard tries to do one last job to make enough money, and move his family away from the crossfire, but unbeknownst to Richard, the FBI is setting up a sting operation to put him behind bars for life.

Solid supporting cast all around with Ray Liotta, Winona Ryder, Robert Davi, and Chris Evans providing the most noteworthy performances. And James Franco has a cameo here as a sleazy and despicable  pornographer. Franco only has one scene, because Kuklinski takes him out after his first and only appearance.

But make no mistake about it, Michael Shannon is the star here. Shannon’s ruthlessness, his rage, and cold-hearted demeanor embodied the sadistic reputation of Richard Kuklinski. Although, Shannon could also showcase a more vulnerable and caring side, as a devoted husband and loving father.  His performance is Oscar worthy, and he really carries this film on his back most of the time.

All in all, The Iceman is a bloody and brutal docudrama/crime drama. It feels too ordinary at times, and considering the source material, you would expect something more extraordinary or masterful. And I can guarantee you, even if you’re not familiar with Richard Kuklinski, you’ll be able to see the “botched one last job before I get out of the life, followed by a dramatic arrest from a large group of cops, and court appearance before I receive a life sentence” ending coming from a mile away. Plus, Ariel Vromen’s bland style of directing didn’t help anything. Still, with most of (if not all of) the credit going to Michael Shannon, The Iceman is a very good movie. Not great, but very good.

Final Rating: 8/10

Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003)

**This review contains spoilers**

Following the events of Jeepers Creepers, Darry is dead, and presumably, Trish is still trying to comprehend the bizarre series of events in one night that changed her life forever.

One hot day, Jack Taggart, Sr. (Ray Wise) pushes his two sons, Jack, Jr. (Luke Edwards) and his youngest son, Billy (Shaun Fleming) to finish the day’s work on their farm. Jack struggles to fix the family truck, while Billy sets up a series of scarecrows. But when Billy notices one of the scarecrows moving in the cornfield, a routine day of work takes a turn for the worst. Posing as a scarecrow, The Creeper (Jonathan Beck) jumps off of his post, and chases Billy. With one swoop, The Creeper snatches Billy, drags him through the cornfield, and The Creeper flies away with Billy, as a helpless Jack Sr. and Jack Jr. watch in horror.

Meanwhile, a high school basketball team is driving down the countryside, when The Creeper Attacks. Using his sharp weapons made of teeth and bone, The Creeper targets the bus’ tires. The bus driver, Betty (Diane Delano) suspects something fishy during nightfall, but as she sets up the road flares, The Creeper quietly snatches her away. One by one, The Creeper kills every adult and authority figure on the bus (driver, coaches, etc.) until the kids are left by themselves, using the broken down bus for protection from The Creeper. Using his nose, The Creeper sniffs out his top choices by smelling the fear from the basketball players and cheerleaders.  The Creeper quickly disposes of two locals, who offered a helping hand, killing them in their truck before they could reach the police station.

And to make matters worse, Scotty (Eric Nenninger) is still bitter about taking a backseat on the bench, while his team rival, Deaundre (Garikayi Mutambirwa) receives more minutes, and a bigger role on the team. Instead of working together to fight and survive The Creeper’s attacks, Scotty schemes to eliminate Deaundre and anyone, who gets in his way.

During The Creeper’s attacks, a cheerleader named Minxie (Nicki Aycox) has visions of The Creeper’s plans, and through a series of premonitions with a deceased Darry and Billy, Minxie learns the truth about The Creeper’s lifespan:  every twenty-three years during springtime, The Creeper gets to eat for twenty-three days. On the twenty-third day, The Creeper will automatically go into hibernation for another twenty-three years, preparing for another feast.

Upon hearing a distress call from the team’s equipment manager, Bucky (Billy Aaron Brown) on his illegal radio, Jack Sr. grabs Jack Jr., and together, they take a trip to the bus to help the teens, and get revenge for Billy’s death. Believing he’s finally found a way to kill The Creeper, Jack Sr. takes his homemade harpoon (using one of The Creeper’s handmade daggers as a spearhead) to the stranded bus.

But time is running out on both sides. It’s day twenty-three for the winged demon, so The Creeper only has a few hours before he goes into hibernation for twenty-three years, and in the meantime, The Creeper unleashes a relentless attack for his last meal before his cycle begins. Jack Sr. and Jack Jr. race to help the teens, before The Creepr can devour everyone.

Well, it’s not fair to critique the performances for the adults on the school bus, because they’re killed off in the early stages of the movie. Although, Diane Delano always brings a few chuckles out of me as the disgruntled and miserable bus driver, who’s stuck in a dead end job, and doesn’t give a shit about anything. Nicki Aycox is decent enough as Minxie, but the remaining cast of high schoolers are mediocre at best. Beck is still nasty, intimidating, and repulsive as The Creeper, and Ray Wise delivers the best performance, as the angry and fearless father with a score to settle.

You can call Jeepers Creepers a stupid horror film, and I wouldn’t bat an eye, but Jeepers Creepers DID have some spooky moments. Jeepers Creepers 2? Eh, not so much. The main thing that pisses me off about Jeepers Creepers 2 is, it felt like they were trying to turn the sequel into an action film. A lot of brutal deaths, gory kills, and chase scenes, but there’s no terror or suspense, and the creepy eeriness surrounding The Creeper just disappears in this film.

Plus, Jeepers Creepers 2 is very, very, very boring.  The VAST majority of the movie is spent inside or around the school bus, and the entire cast of high school kids are constantly whining and bitching at each other the whole time. The jocks constantly tease and bully this one kid, who might be a homosexual, and a race feud erupts between the black kids and the white kids. Scotty’s hatred for  Deaundre starts the feud, and the situation gets real heated, when Scotty tries to exile Deaundre and his friends from the bus. Things sort of pick up, when Jack Sr. and Jack Jr. show up, but it’s a case of too little, too late.

The Creeper can fly. We get it. In Jeepers Creepers, The Creeper barely used his wings, and we didn’t actually see him fly until the very end of the movie. But in Jeepers Creepers 2, they just abused the novelty of The Creeper’s wings. “OH MY GOD HE CAN FLY!” Yeah, they really tried to tack on a “wow factor” to The Creeper’s aerial abilities with constant  and never ending shots of The Creature hovering in the air, swopping around, shadows of The Creeper hovering over his victims, and awestruck reactions from the cast, as The Creeper is flying. Problem is, once you see The Creeper constantly use his wings throughout the movie, watching him fly isn’t something to marvel at anymore. It just becomes a normal routine.

Darry and Trish were dumb asses, but they were entertaining dumb asses (and better actors). The high school kids are just annoying as shit in this movie, and the obvious stereotypes of your typical high school crew in a horror movie just made everything worse. Of course, you have the jocks, homophobic jocks, the nerd (Bucky), and hot cheerleaders. Bucky is constantly picked on and bullied in part two, and the hazing stuff  surrounding his character is so damn tedious.

For some asinine reason, they resurrected the “psychic, who’s unsure and not 100% confident in her premonitions” dynamic. Minxie is warned about The Creeper through visions of a dead Billy and Darry, and she tries to use her knowledge to help everyone on the bus……but wait. Minxie doesn’t want you to trust her, because she isn’t sure about her dreams. But wait a minute, on second thought, Minxie wants you to trust her, because she knows everything there is to know about The Creeper. No scratch that, Minxie is just having bizarre dreams, and you shouldn’t listen to her advice for life threatening situations. They constantly bounce back and forth in SO many directions with the Minxie character. In Jeepers Creepers, Jezelle was tolerable, because you don’t actually see her until the very end, but you have to suffer through Minxie’s indecisive melodrama bullshit for over an hour. It’s too much.

Too many sub-plots are another big problem for Jeepers Creepers 2. Here’s the list:

-Taunting and teasing the teammate, who might or might not be gay.

-Scotty hates Deaundre for stealing his spotlight, and not producing.

-Scotty has a problem with his presumably gay teammate.

-Scotty turns into a racist, and tries to systematically elmiante all the black people.

-Jack Sr. and Jack Jr. are trying to get revenge for Billy’s death.

-Jack Sr. and Jack Jr. are trying to save the kids.

And they just had to throw in the very predictable “I’m going to be the bigger man” moment, when Deaundre tries to save Scotty from The Creeper.

The Creeper uses more weapons this time around, and it’s cool to see a cameo from Justin Long. The gore is more brutal and disgusting here, and you get to see what happens, when The Creeper needs to eat a head, but still. Jeepers Creepers 2 is a frightless and tedious bore with no real jump scares or tension. It’s a damn shame, because Jeepers Creepers 2 has an excellent and promising intro that’ll get your hopes up for a good sequel, but everything goes downhill after the beginning, EVERYTHING.

Final Rating: 1/10

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

**This review contains spoilers**


As boredom sets in, Trish Jenner (Gina Philips) and Darry Jenner (Justin Long) come up with word games to add some excitement to their countryside road trip to visit their mother. As Darry drives Trish’s unreliable car, the siblings manage to pull a few laughs out of each other, but the fun stops, when a rusty old truck tries to run them off the road. As the driver of the rusty truck stops at an abandoned church a few miles up the road, Trish and Darry witness the mysterious figure dump two dead bodies wrapped in white sheets down a pipe leading into the ground. The figure spots Darry and Trish, and immediately pursues them in his truck. After a more aggressive attempt at trying to run Trish and Darry off the road, Darry drives through an open field for a quick escape.

Out of curiosity, and a foolish belief to do the right thing, Darry convinces Trish to return to the abandoned church, and inspect the contents beneath the pipe. Upon their arrival, Trish is scared by rats, and she accidentally drops Darry through the pipe after holding him up for a better view. In the caverns beneath the church, Darry finds one of the two victims. Darry discovers stitched wounds on the victim, and he dies shortly after Darry’s discovery. Darry finds an assortment of preserved dead bodies, stitched and hung up across the walls of the cavern. Horrified, Darry and Trish stop at a local diner to call the police for help.

After the diner, Trish and Darry are escorted by two cops in one car at night. The mysterious figure returns to murder the cops, but Trish and Darry escape to a reclusive old lady’s house. When the figure arrives, the old lady is more concerned with protecting her cats than helping Trish and Darry, or calling the police. During a struggle with a shotgun, the figure kills the old woman. Trish and Darry escape to the open road, where they learn the true identity of the figure: The Creeper (Jonathan Breck) is a winged demon, who survives by eating body parts from humans. Once The Creeper gets a likeable scent from fear, the creature will pursue his targets at all costs, with a determination to eat the desired body parts. At the diner, The Creeper was able to lock on to Darry’s scent by sniffing his dirty laundry. Angry and frustrated, Trish uses her car to run over The Creeper multiple times, seemingly killing the creature.

Trish and Darry await the arrival of their mother at a local police station in the next town, but the situation takes a bizarre turn, when Jezelle (Patricia Belcher), a local psychic, arrives to warn Trish and Darry. At the diner, Jezelle warned Darry with a phone call about the “Jeepers Creepers” song playing on the radio, because this song is a warning sign for The Creeper’s impending attack. According to Jezelle, the Jeepers Creepers song is currently playing on an old radio station. As Jezelle urges Trish and Darry to leave the police station for safety, the lights go out. Beaten, slightly deformed, and crippled, The Creeper has returned to eat  the body parts from one victim. But who will The Creeper choose: Trish or Darry?

Gina Philips and Justin Long are believable in their roles, but Trish and Darry are two very stupid characters (more on that later). Patricia Belcher doesn’t show up until the very end, and she’s kind of annoying as the hysterical and panicked psychic. And Eileen Brennan is “The Cat Lady” Trish and Darry visit in the middle of the night for a chance to make a phone call. The character reminds me of The Crazy Cat Lady from The Simpsons, but you can’t properly critique Brennan’s performance, because her character is killed off a few minutes after her first and only appearance.

You won’t see The Creeper’s true identity until the very end. Jeepers Creepers takes the slow burn technique to revealing The Creeper’s true demon form, so throughout the movie you’re constantly guessing, and trying to figure out the mystery behind the unknown attacker. Is he a serial killer? A creepy stalker? An Alien? It’s hard to tell, because The Creeper’s wings don’t come out until Trish runs him over with the car towards the end. And The Creeper wears thick clothing with a long coat and a hat, so you can’t see anything. Well, you can see the grey hair sticking out the back of the hat, but that’s about it.

The finale has its flaws (more on that later), but I enjoy the sporadic moments of suspense. Most of the spooky stuff (i.e. The Creeper taunting Trish and Darry on a seemingly deserted open road at night, and The Creeper ominously standing in The Cat Lady’s yard at night, waiting to attack). 

Jeepers Creepers features a few disgusting scenes of gore, and brutal violence. The Creeper using his teeth to rip the tongue out of a severed head is one example, and I can’t forget about The Creeper gnawing into a helpless prisoner, and tearing off a limb or two in the process.

BUT Trish and Darry are two very moronic characters. Here’s a list of their stupid mistakes in the movie, in chronological order (well, sort of):

-So Trish and Darry are going to visit their mother. They could’ve jumped on the freeway to save more time, and if something happened, they could’ve had a better chance to find help. But NO. Let’s take the deserted back roads through the country instead! It’ll take more time, and we’ll have to stop at a hole in the wall diner for help, while a murderer stalks us, but who cares! We get to look at a bunch of open fields with no livestock! Ugh.

-Darry’s more reliable car was an option, but instead, Trish and Darry agreed to take Trish’s piece of shit car? And yes, it’s a problem, because you’ll see a few “THE CAR WON’T START!” scenes, and the gears stick.

-Darry brings a cell phone, but the battery is dead. Seriously?

-The Creeper almost ran the siblings off the road TWICE, and the creature gave them a “don’t fuck with me” look, as Darry and Trish passed by the abandoned church. But Darry has to do the right thing, and he convinces Trish to return to the church to inspect the pipe? And on top of that, Darry has to stick himself in the pipe, and of course, Trish drops him into the underground hideout with mummified bodies.

-At night, Trish and Darry finally escape The Creeper. He’s miles away from them, and they have a good head start to the police station in the next county….but they decide to stop at The Cat Lady’s house. And guess what happens next? The Creeper catches up with them during the pit stop.

-At the church, instead of trying to help her brother out of the hole in the ground, Darry urges Trish to stand on the side of the road, and wait for help. Again, giving The Creeper more time track Darry and Trish.

-During the finale at the police station, Trish and Darry listen to and follow Jezelle without really knowing her. Jezelle leads them into a dangerous situation more than once, and Jezelle openly admits she’s not 100% confident in her predictions.

Jeepers Creepers is loaded with predictable horror clichés with the car not starting being the most annoying one. Plus, the warning signal for The Creeper’s arrival is beyond ridiculous. This movie gets its name from the actual song that’s titled “Jeepers Creepers.” The song is featured in the movie, and when it plays on any radio station, it means The Creeper is about to attack, or the creature is close by waiting for an attack. Yeah, it’s as stupid as it sounds.

Jeepers Creepers is one those frustrating and stupid horror films that will bring a lot of facepalms out of you, while screaming “don’t do that!” or “don’t go in there!” But with all that said,  I still love this movie. It’s dumb fun for me, and I always get a kick out of laughing at Darry and Trish’s stupid choices throughout the movie. For me, Jeepers Creepers is a guilty pleasure, but if you wanted to give this film a 0/10, one star, or an F for a rating, I wouldn’t fuss too much, or put up a big fight.

Final Rating: 5/10

P2 (2007)

**This review contains spoilers**

On Christmas Eve, Angela Bridges (Rachel Nichols) works late into the night for her law firm in an attempt to tie up some loose ends before the holidays. The first through the door, and the last to leave, Angela is a dedicated worker, but Angela makes a promise to her family: Angela must spend the holidays with her mother, sister, and niece without any interruptions from work. Angela reluctantly agrees, and she decides to surprise her niece with a Santa suit.

In the empty office building after hours, Angela hauls all of her gifts and the Santa suit to her car. But when Angela reaches parking level two, her car won’t start. Angela searches for help, and she eventually finds the security guard, Thomas (Wes Bentley) and his Rottweiler, Rocky. After a failed jump, Angela calls for a cab, but when the cab arrives, Angela can’t make it outside, because Thomas locked every exit in the building. Eventually, the cab leaves, and Angela is stranded inside. Thomas shuts off the lights in the parking garage, and as Angela tries to call for help in the darkness, Thomas sneaks up from behind, and suffocates Angela with a rag dampened in chloroform.

Angela eventually awakens in Thomas’ office, chained to a chair, with her clothes gone, and a new white dress courtesy of Thomas. Thomas prepared a Christmas Eve dinner, and he won’t eat it alone. Angela begs Thomas for her release, but instead, Thomas takes Angela into the parking garage to teach her co-worker, Jim (Simon Reynolds) a lesson. Jim is tied to a chair, and Thomas urges Angela to take his flashlight so she can teach Jim a lesson, after a drunken Jim tried to force himself on Angela in the elevator. Angela refuses, angering Thomas, and Angela is forced to witness the first glimpse of Thomas’ dark side, as he brutally murders Jim. With no help or connections to the outside world, Angela must escape Thomas and Rocky before it’s too late.

I’m not a big Rachel Nichols fan, but she’s believable as the damsel in distress. Wes Bentley delivers the best performance in this film. He’s genuinely creepy, as the obsessive lunatic, who will do anything to impress Angela. But when Angela finally gains the upper hand at the end, Bentley turns into this sniveling and pathetic man during his final moments. He’s such an asshole throughout the movie, but I almost wanted to feel sorry him before Angela delivered the final blow.

Acting wise, you’ll see a few glimpses of some other people, but Angela and Thomas receive 95% of the screen time, and Jim is the only character, who makes an appearance twice (well, there’s another security guard, but he’s dead during his second and third appearances). P2 revolves around the deadly game of cat-and-mouse between Angela and Thomas, as Angela fights to get help, and find a way out of the office building. I really enjoyed the duel and mind games between Angela and Thomas, and Bentley’s performance as the sadistic creep is the driving force behind Angela and Thomas’ ongoing feud. Thomas is such a dick, I rooted for Angela’s survival, and I wanted her to make it to the end alive.

P2 features some nasty gore, but it’s not too much. Two scenes stand out amongst the rest: Thomas killing Jim, and Angela killing Rocky.  First, Thomas drives his car into Jim, smashing him against a wall, while Jim is still tied to the chair. After crushing him a few times, you can clearly see Jim’s guts hanging out, and on the final push, Jim explodes into a gush of blood and chunks of flesh. Angela uses a tire iron to kill Rocky after Rocky corners her in a car. It’s pretty gruesome, because Angela keeps whacking and twisting the tire iron into and over Rocky’s head until he dies.

I actually had a good time with P2, but I was annoyed every now and then. The story is SO predictable, and you can see the ending coming from a mile away. And Thomas’ death is kind of corny. After Angela takes out one of his eyes, and handcuffs him to the door of a car, Thomas pleads for mercy, as Angela walks away. Angry and frustrated, Thomas calls Angela a “cunt.” She stops, and uses a taser to ignite a trail of leaking gasoline leading to Thomas. Thomas catches fire, and the car explodes shortly after, killing him.

Yeah, I get it. Thomas is supposed to suffer for kidnapping and torturing Angela, and his gruesome demise is supposed to be the feel good triumphant moment of vengeance for Angela. But using a vulgar slur to insult the female protagonist before a moment of triumph is too ordinary and counter-productive. I’ve seen this happen in other horror and non-horror films, and to use a more similar comparison off the top of my head, Angela’s decision to brutally murder Thomas reminds me of the ending in Hostel II. One of the torturers calls the remaining female survivor (can’t remember the names, because I haven’t watched Hostel II in a few years) a cunt. She responds by cutting off his genitals, and she feeds them to a dog.

Anyway, P2 is a solid horror/thriller. Yes, the story is formulaic, and you’ll see the ending coming from a mile away. But P2 features a nice set of spooky and eerie atmospherics, and sporadic scenes of nail biting suspense, as Angela fights to escape. It’s  nothing great, but P2 surprised the hell out of me, because I had very low expectations for this one.

Final Rating: 6/10